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School jokes - Teacher: If you have five haystacks in one corner, five in another and two in another, how many would you have ? Pupil: One big haystack !
Weather jokes - During the month of June and July. Here in the panhandle it got pretty hot in this area. In Fact people were even overworking in the heat. So one day I was working outside in the heat and then i thought i better get inside. My Boss asked me where i was going and i told him i am going inside to cool down . He said that i better get back to work. I said i cant, he said how come.? Because it is so hot out here that i have to go inside to change my mind.
Humor jokes - What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head ? Sister Matic !
Dog jokes - What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers ? A bud hound !
Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun! - WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
Music jokes - Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six. One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.
Police jokes - Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."
Religious jokes - It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: painted white and with a high steeple. One Sunday, the pastor noticed that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and began the job. He got done with the first side. It was looking great. But he noticed he had already used a half gallon. He didn't want to run back in town and being the creative person that he was, he found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back, and began to thin his paint. It worked out great. He finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint. That night, it rained: it rained hard. The next morning when he stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on the oth er three sides had washed away. The pastor looked up in sky in anguish and cried out, "What shall I do?" A voice came back from the heavens saying, "Repaint, and thin no more!"
Answer me this jokes - If love is blind, why is Lingerie so popular?
Political jokes - Democrats' favorite Christmas carol is "Deck the Halls." Young Democrat's favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." Republican's favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas." Young Republicans' favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."
Yo momma jokes - Yo mama so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
Book title jokes - The Millionaire by Ivor Fortune
Marriage jokes - A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts." He continued, "She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."
Cat jokes - What is a black cat's favourite TV show ? Miami Mice !
Car and train jokes - Learner driver: What happens when everything's coming your way? Instructor: You're in the wrong lane.