Treść
A man walks into a bar with
a piece of
asphalt under his arm and asks the barman "Can I have a
drink for me and
one for the road?"
Losowe wpisy
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Census
!
Census who ?
Census presents for Christmas !
- » Q: What Biblical and Renaissance characters
does
Hillary most resemble?
A: Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia.
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Borg
!
Borg who ?
Borg standard !
- » Wife to husband as they watch their young
son playing:
"He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until
he's older before we
tell him you're an accountant."
- » Q: Why does the secret
service guard
Hillary so closely?
A: Because if something happens to her, Bill becomes
President!
- » Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back
on the ranch about his
first visit to a big-city church. "When
I got there, they had me park
my
old truck in the corral," Joe
began.
"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more
worldly
fellow.
"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.
"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.
"Inside the
door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.
"That would be the
usher," Charlie explained.
"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe
said.
"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.
"Then, he led me to a
stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.
"Pew," Charlie
retorted.
"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said
when I sat
down
beside her."
- » Fred: I got 100 in school today.
Mother:
Wonderful. What did you get 100 in?
Jason: Two things: I got 50 in
Spelling and 50 in History.
Mother: Well, at least you can add !
- » While driving down a steep and curvy logging
road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd "Jimmy" and
careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the
canyon,
and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to
heaven. At an
orientation they are asked, "When you are in your casket
and your
friends and family are mourning about your death, what would
you like to
hear them say about you?"
The first guy, a well
known botanist says, "I would like to hear them
say that I was one
of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an
eternal
contribution to the botanical world."
The second guy, an ornithologist,
says, "I would like to hear that I
was a wonderful birder and made a
huge difference in the recovery of our
bird
populations."
The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear
them say... 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "
- » What's a rabbits' favorite book?
Hop on
Pop.
- » Did you hear about the egg
laden rabbit who
jumps off bridges?
He's the Easter Bungee!
- » Q:
What would you call an Arab who owns a
harem of cows?
A: A milk sheik!
- » A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the
headlights
broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of
the
offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a
note
stuck under the windshield wiper.
"Sorry. I just backed into your
Beemer. The witnesses who saw
the accident are nodding and smiling at
me because they think
I'm leaving my name, address and other
particulars. But I'm
not."
- » Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting
round playing on the Internet, you'll be fat and useless when you
grow
up.
Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you
were a
kid!
- » Why did the bald man put a rabbit
on
his head?
Because he wanted a head of hare (hair).
- » What do you call
an elephant in a phone
box?
Stuck.