Treść
There is a new
Barbie doll on the
market - Mutant Barbie ...Professor Xavier's
daughter: bald as a
billiard ball, wearing a Dark Phoenix costume
Losowe wpisy
- » Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it "Ham Hocks".
- » Q: Did you hear about the blonde that
invented the solar flashlight?
- » On a flight
with EasyJet back in 1997 the
pilot made what can only be describes as
an extremely heavy landing
at Luton. It was very early in the morning
and a number of
passenger around me looked quite alarmed as, apart
from the noise, a number
of overhead lockers dropped open and several
items of carry-on
luggage were launched down the aisle.
After slowing up, the aircraft
turned off the runway and turned towards
the stand and over the PA
came "Good morning ladies gentlemen, this is
Captain Smith, welcome
to Luton...and if any of you were asleep...I bet
you're not
now!"
- » What is the most common
educational degree
in New Mexico?
Kindergarten dropout.
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Cash
!
Cash who ?
Cash me if you can !
- » Teacher: What's the definition of a
Polygamist?
Pupil: A parrot with more than one wife!
- » Three old ladies met on the street on a very
stormy
day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty
in
hearing each other.
"It's windy," said one.
"No, it's Thursday," said the next.
"So am I," said the third.
"Let's go and have a drink!"
- » Why did the python do national service ?
He
was coiled up !
- » Teacher: How much is half of 8?
Pupil: Up
and down or across?
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Well, up and
down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a
0!
- » Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
caterpillar
Don't worry you'll soon change!
- » Once there were two chinese
gentlemen named
Mr. Ho and Mr. Chen. They were neighbors but happened to be
very
competitive. One day Mr. Ho decided to start a shoe business, he
named his store WE DO SHOE. now Mr. Chen decided he must compete with Mr.
Ho, so he started a shoe business right next door to Mr. Ho's store
and
he named it SHOE DO WE.
- » Your mamas so skinny she swallowed a meatball
n thought she
was pregnant.
- » Is your food spicy Sir ?
No, smoke
always comes out of my ears !
- » One day while walking down the street
a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and
she
died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the
Pearly
Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said
St.Peter. "Before
you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem.
You see,
strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it
this far and
we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in." said the woman.
"Well, I'd like
to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do
is let you
have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can
choose
whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think
I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in
Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the
executive
in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The d
oors opened and
she found herself stepping out onto the putting
green of a beautiful
golf course. In the distance was a country club
and standing in front of
her were all her friends - fellow
executives that she had worked with
and they were all dressed in evening
gowns and cheering for her. They
ran up and kissed her on both cheeks
and they talked about old times.
They played an excellent round of
golf and at night went to the country
club where she enjoyed an
excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the
Devil who was actually
a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a
great time telling
jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that
before she
knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and
waved
good- bye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up
and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and
found St. Peter waiting
for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in
heaven," he said.
So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and
playing
the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew
it her 24
hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven.
Now you must choose your eternity," he said.
The woman paused for
a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought
I'd say this, I
mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I
think I had a
better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator
and again she went
down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the
elevator opened she found
herself standing in a desolate wasteland
covered in garbage and Filth. She
saw her friends were dressed in
rags and were picking up the garbage
and putting it in sacks. The
Devil came up to her and put his arm around
her. "I don't
understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was
here and there was
a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster
and we danced
and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of
garbage and
all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her and
smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you;
today you're staff."
- » How does a physicist exercise?
By pumping
ion!