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Did you hear about the granny who plugged her electric blanket into the toaster by mistake? She spent the night popping out of bed.

Losowe wpisy

» One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?" "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a 'man', Lord?" "This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack." "Sounds g reat," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition." "What's that, Lord?" "You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
» Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because then the children have to play inside.
» Waiter! Waiter! This salad is frozen solid. Yes, sir. It's the iceberg lettuce that does it.
» Knock Knock Who's there ! Alan ! Alan who ? Alan a good cause !
» What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
» Q. How do you drown a blonde? A1. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
» Our teacher talks to herself does yours ? Yes, but she does't realise it, she thinks we're actually listening !
» Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
» Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question? Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?"
» What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? - A woman that won't do what she's told.
» Knock Knock Who's there ! Cugat ! Cugat who ? Cugat to love my jokes !
» Q.What do me and a mirror have in common? A.When we see your face we both crack up!
» What goes "snap, crackle and pop" ? A firefly with a short circuit !
» What to you call a Russian flea ? A Moscow-ito !
» The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?" "Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The balcony."