Treść
One day there was a family driving in the
car to Michigan to
visit their relatives. They were looking for the
street they had to turn on
to get to their relatives house. They
accedently turned on the wrong
street so they had to pull in a
driveway and turn around. When they
pulled into the driveway the girl
asked her mother "Why dont these people
have electricity?" Very
confused the mother said, "Wut are u talking
about?" The girl quickly
replied, "Well, the sign back there said NO
OUTLET!"
Losowe wpisy
- » On her
annual visit to another
planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward
and says. "I hope
this spaceship doesn't travel faster than sound.
"Why?" replies the
cabin steward. "Because my friend and I want to
talk, that's
why."
- » Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an
improper relationship
with
Monica Lewinsky?
Pres: Improper? ...
Ain't nothing improper about that. That was one of
the the sweetest
interns I've ever had.
- » During a funeral for a woman
who had
henpecked her husband, drove her
kids half nuts, scrapped with the
neighbors at the slightest
opportunity, and even made neurotics of their cat
and dog with her
explosive temper. As the casket was lowered into
the grave, a violent
thunderstorm broke,
and the pastor's
benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of
lightning, followed by
terrific thunder.
"Well, at least we know she got there all right,"
commented her
husband
- » What does a snowman eat for dinner?
Ice-burgers.
- » What is the best kind of dog to direct traffic at
a
busy intersection?
A pointer!
- » A little kid is sitting on a park bench
eating
abag of chocolates an old man walking by stops to say that if he
continues to eat like that he won`t live very long; indignantly the
kid says
" oh yeah my grandfather lived to be 104 years old" the
old man
replies "i'm sure he did kid.but it wasn`t from eating all
that chocolate
"oh no sir" says the kid, it was by minding his own
business !
- » What do you call 500
Natives running on the
race track?
The Indy 500.
- » Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She
burys it.
- » The manager of a large city
zoo was drafting a
letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his
computer and typed
the following sentence: "I would like to place an
order for two
mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
He stared
at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he
deleted
the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I
would
like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your
earliest convenience."
Again he stared at the screen, this time
focusing on the new word,
which seemed just as odd as the original
one. Finally, he deleted the whole
sentence and started all over.
"Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo
should be without a mongoose," he
typed. "Please send us two of
them."
- » What happened to Ray when he met the
man-eating monster?
He became an ex-Ray.
- » Dentist: Don't worry. I'm
painless.
Patient: I'm not.
- » After the Great Britain Beer
Festival, in London, all the brewery
presidents decided to go out
for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I
would like the
world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off
a bottle from
the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from
Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world,
give me 'The
King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him
one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky
Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy
from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The
bartender is
a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other
brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you
drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I
figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
- » To err is human; but to really mess things up
requires a computer.
- » How do you make a tame duck wild?
Annoy
it.
- » Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to
come
away from that cookie tin?
No more, mom. It's empty.