Treść
Sonny: I can't sleep. What should I
do?
Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you'll be sure to
drop
off!
Losowe wpisy
- » Did you hear about the blonde who
brought
her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
- » A man is
struck by a bus on a busy
street in in New York City.
He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of
spectators gathers around.
"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!"
the man gasps. A policeman
checks the crowd----no priest, no
minister, no man of God of any kind.
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man
says again. Then out of the
crowd steps a little old Jewish man of
at least eighty years of age.
"Mr. Policeman," says the man,
"I'm not a priest. I'm not even
a Catholic. But for fifty years now
I'm living behind St. Elizabeth's
Catholic Church on First Avenue,
and every night I'm listening
to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be
of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agreed and brought
the octogenarian over to where
the dying man lay. He kneels down,
leans over the injured and says
in a solemn voice:
"Under the B,
4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38.
Under the G, 54. Under th
e O, 72. . ."
- » One day while a blonde was out
driving her
car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her
pull over
into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of
chalk
and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the
middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and
slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man
angrier so
he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even
harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The
blonde is now
laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her
what's so funny.
The blonde giggled and replied, "When you weren't
looking, I stepped
out of the circle three times!"
- » Hear about the blonde
explorer?
She
bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara
Desert.
- » Q: How many baby sitters
does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: None, They don't make Pampers small enough.
- » Q: How many Communists does it take to screw
in a light
bulb?
A: Two - one to screw it in, and a second to
hand out leaflets.
A: One, but it takes him about 30 years to
realize that the old one has
burnt out.
- » What is the most religious insect
?
A
mosque-ito !
- » Boy: Do you have fever?
Girl: No,
why?
Boy: Cause you look hot!!!!!
- » A Congressman was once asked
about his attitude toward whiskey. "If
you mean the demon drink
that poisons the mind, pollutes the body,
desecrates family life, and
inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the
elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against
winter chill, the taxable
potion that puts needed funds into public coffers
to comfort little
crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my
position, and I
will not compromise."
- » Q. What do you
get when you cross a
crooked
politician with a dishonest lawyer?
A. Chelsea Clinton
- » What does a spider do when he
gets angry
?
He goes up the wall !
- » Cow: Why don't you shoo those flies?
Bull:
I'll let them go barefoot!
- » Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in
the
freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
- » Why are elephants no good at Net
surfing?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
- » Teacher:"To which family
does the
elephant belong ?"
Pupil:"I don't know, nobody I know owns one !"