Treść
A kindly old lady came across a little boy
sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?'
she
asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a
bicycle and a
new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party
with crisps and
jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. .
.' and he had to
stop talking because he was crying so hard.
'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?'
'Because I'm lost!'
Losowe wpisy
- » What do you call two
birds in love?
Tweethearts!
- » "I guess I didn't get my birthday wish."
"How do you know?"
"You're still here!"
- » Customer: Why doesn't this
restaurant have
any specials?
Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.
- » Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of
humor?
A: Laughing stock.
- » There is a new
Barbie doll on the
market - Barbie Brain in a Jar ...an empty jar
- » A not so rich couple decided to
stay at a very exclusive hotel for a night. The manager immediately
recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out,
instead he
decided to be clever. In the morning the couple came to
settle the bill
and were surprized to find they owe
$3000.
"How's this? We've only been here one night!" the man was
annoyed.
"So?", said the manager, "this is a very expensive hotel. We have
golf
courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and
restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up."
"But we didn't use
any of these!" explained the couple.
"If you didn't use - that's
your problem," came the reply.
"In that case, you owe me $2000.
You see, my wife is a call girl who
charges $5000 a night, so please
settle your bill," said the man.
"What do you mean?" the manager was
taken off guard, "I didn't
sleep with your wife!"
"If yo
u didn't use - that's your problem!"
- » An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New
York and says, "I
hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you
that your mother and I are
divorcing; forty-five years of misery is
enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man
says "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so
you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like
hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of
this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man,
"You are
NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get
there. I'm
calling my brother back, and we'll both be there
tomorrow. Until then,
don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wif
e. "Okay,"
he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do
we tell them
for Christmas?"
- » Which
burgers are
dishonest?
Cat-burgers! (burglars)
- » Doctor, Doctor I
think I'm
suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?
- » When Lee ate raw onions for a week what did he
become?
Lone Lee.
- » How many maintenance programmers does it take
to change a light bulb?
None. They try to fix the old
one.
"We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying
to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait
two months?"
- » Which insect didn't play well in goal?
The
fumble bee!
- » How do you make gold soup?
Put 14 carrots in
it.
- » Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police
car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
- » Teacher: In music, if "f" means
"forte",
what does "ff" mean ?
Pupil: Eighty