
Treść
A prisoner at
the Edmonton Max started
training a large fly to do tricks.
For years, for thousands of
hours, he worked with the insect. It
learned to walk across a miniature
high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike,
balance on a pair of stilts
and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
"When you and I get
out of here," the jailbird said to the fly.
"we're going to tour
the nightspots and make a fortune."
Finally the day arrived. Fly
safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside
its matchbox home), the
ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate.
At the bar, he
brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started
moonwalking. "What about
this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender.
In one swift motion, the
bartender reached for his copy of the
newspaper THE EDMONTON SUN,
rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty
swipe.
"Glad
you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are
eve
rywhere."
Losowe wpisy
- » The
Indians asked their Chief in autumn,
if the winter was going to be cold or
not. Not really knowing an
answer, the chief replies that the winter
was going to be cold and
that the members of the village were to collect
wood to be
prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and
called
the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be
cold?"
The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to
be quite
cold indeed." So the Chief went back to speed up his
people to collect
even more wood to be prepared.
A week later he
called the National Weather Service again, "Is it
going to be a
VERY cold winter?"
"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a
very cold winter."
So the Chief goes back to his people and orders
them to go and find
every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks
later he calls the National
Weather Service again: "Are you absol
utely sure, that the winter is
going to be very
cold?"
"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like
crazy!"
- » Why are fish no good at tennis?
They don't
like to get too close to the net!
- » Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
He heard the snow blower coming.
- » A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man,
and a
lawyer were sitting on a train.
The Frenchman offered
everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out
the window, saying,
"Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I
come from."
The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of
the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I
come from."
Then the American threw the lawyer out the
window, saying...
- » A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond
ring for
Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted
one of those sporty
4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did," he
replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find
a fake Jeep?"
- » The front door
was accidentally left open and
our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully
whistling and calling, my
husband got in the car and went looking for
him. He drove around the
neigbourhood for some time with no luck. Finally
he stopoed beside
a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen
our dog. "You
mean the one following your car?" they asked.
- » How many accountants
does it take to
change a light bulb?
"What kind of answer did you have in
mind?"
Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done
within the given budget.
- » What did the hypnotist say when
he got
his own website....
Hyp, Hyp Hooray.
- » Knock knock.
Who's there?
Baby Owl.
Baby Owl who?
Baby Owl see you later, baby not.
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bab
!
Bab who ?
Bab Boone is a real ape !
- » Fred: I'm sure I'm right.
Betty: You're
as right as rain - all wet!
- » After my wife and her former best
buddy, another
Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted
one
husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief
means
of communication. When our phone
bills showed astronomical
increases, the other spouse and I sought
relief. Since we both
owned computers, we
encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent,
then call back to confirm that it
arrived and have a
conversation about the contents!
- » A mother was teaching her three
year old
daughter The Lord's
Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she
repeated it after
her mother. One night she said she was ready to
solo. The
mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated
each
word right up to the end..."And lead us not into temptation",
she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."
- » Q: Why is
Bill infuriated with Chelsea's
new private school?
A: They broke family tradition by making her
wear a uniform.
- » The train was about to pull out of the
station. Swinging a
large bag, a young man managed to reach the
train, throw his bag in and
climb aboard, gasping for air.
seeking at him, another man said, "Young man, you should be in better
shape! At your age, I could catch the train by a gnat's whisker and
still be fresh. Look at you, panting away."
The young man took
a deep breath and said, "Pop, I missed this train
at the *last*
station."