Treść
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A1. Put a
mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker
at the bottom of the pool.
Losowe wpisy
- » Q: How many editors does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: If we change the light bulb, we'll have to
change everything.
- » Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a
violin?
A: It is usually still in the case.
- » A farmer who's been involved
in a terrible
road accident with a large truck ended up in court
fighting for a
big compensation claim.
"I understand you're claiming damages
for the injuries you're
supposed to have suffered?" Stated the
counsel for the insurance company.
"Yes, that's right," replied the
farmer, nodding his head.
"You claim you were injured in the
accident, yet I have a signed
police statement that says that when the
attending police officer asked you
how you were feeling, you
replied, 'I've never felt better inn my
life.' Is that the
case?"
"Yeah, but" stammered the farmer.
"A simple yes or not will
suffice," counsel interrupted quickly.
"Yes," Replied the
farmer.
Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him
questions.
"Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events
following the
accident when you made your statement of health," his
lawyer said.
"Certainly," replied the farmer. "After the
accident my horse was
thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old
dog was howling in
pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my
horse and shoots him
dead. "Then he goes over to my dog, looks at
him and shoots him dead too.
Then he come straight over to me and
asked me how I was feeling. "Now,
mate, what the heck would you have
said to him?"
- » Do you like your
new baby sister?
She's
all right.
Do you play with her?
No, and we can't even send
her back because she's been here more than
28 days.
- » It seems a gentleman had too
much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a
state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a
straight
line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out
a ticket
and had just given it to the driver before an accident in
the opposite
lane took his attention to more important
matters.
The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming
back to
him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the
morning by a
knock at the door, created by two more state
troopers.
"Are you Mr. Johnson?" the asked? He admitted that he
was.
"Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the
influence?" Again, the man admitted that was he.
"And what did
you do then," the troopers asked." The man replied
that he drove his
car home and went to bed.
"Where is your car now?" the t
roopers enquired. The man answered that
it was in the
garage.
"May we see the car?" asked the troopers. The man answered, "Sure,"
and opened the garage.
Inside the garage was the state
troopers car.
- » Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on
Thanksgiving?
They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
- » What pillar doesn't need holding up ?
A
caterpillar !
- » Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced
the opposing lawyers.
"So," he said, "I have been presented, by
both of you, with a
bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You,
attorney Leon, gave me
$15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me
$10,000."
The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a
check. He handed it
to Leon ... "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and
we're going to
decide this case solely on its merits."
- » A local business was
looking for office help.
They put a sign in the window, stating the
following: "HELP WANTED.
Must be able to type, must be good with a computer
and must be
bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time
afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign
and went inside.
He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then
walked over
to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the
receptionist got the office manager. The office
manager looked at the
dog and was surprised, to say the least. However,
the dog looked
determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the
dog jumped up
on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said,
"I can't
hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog
jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a
perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager
and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager
was
stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be
good with a
computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to
the computer. The dog proceeded
to enter and execute a perfect
program, that worked flawlessly the first
time.
By this time the
manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog
and said, "I
realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some
interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The
dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on
the
sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be
bilingual".
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said
"Meow".
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bo
!
Bo who ?
Bo Geste !
- » What did the parrot say when he was using the
Internet?
P.Cs of eight, P.Cs of eight.
- » What do you get when you cross a collie with a
trumpet?
A Lassie who plays brassie!
- » My brother's a professional boxer.
Heavyweight ?
No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death !
- » Q: How do
you make a trombone sound like a
french horn?
A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong
notes.
- » yo mama is so fat, she can sit on a t3 cable
and make the internet traffic slow right down to 1 bit per day.