Treść
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac
arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes
of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced
dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year
old
daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one
time)
that her mother didn't make it.
"Didn't make it? Where could
they be? She left in the ambulance
forty-five minutes ago!" the
former blonde asked.
Losowe wpisy
- » A famous professor of surgery died and
went to heaven. At the
pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper:
'Have you ever committed a
sin you truly regret?'
'Yes,' the professor ansvered. 'When I was a young candidate at the
hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the
Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the
referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that
now.'
'Well,' said the gatekeeper. 'That is a very minor
sin. You may
enter.'
'Thank you very much, Saint Peter,'
the professor ansvered.
'Im am not Saint Peter,' said the
gatekeeper. 'He is having his
lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.'
- » Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly
contest, they said
"Sorry, no professionals."
- » What part of a football pitch
smells
nicest?
The scenter spot!
- » Q: What job function does a blonde have in an
M&M
factory?
A: Proofreading.
- » Two newfies walked into a pet
store. The first says "I want four budgies."
Salesman-certainly sir,
would you like two male and two female or
all male or all female?
Newfie-I don't care. I just want 4 budgies!
Salesman-certainly
sir, what color would you like? We have yellow,
blue, gr...
Newfie
- I don't care what color they are, just put four budgies in a
box
for me. Is that too hard?
Salesman - O.K. O.K.
The two newfies
pay for the budgies and leave. They drive out to this
high cliff in
Newfoundland and the first newfie reaches in the box and
pulls out
two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff
while
flapping his arms. Of course he SPLATS at the bottom.
The second
newfie looks down at his friend's twisted remains and says
"What a
shame. this budgie jumping isn't all it's cracked up to
be!"
- » What has 2,000 eyes and 4,000 feet?
A thousand
dogs.
- » Which big cat should
you never play cards with
?
A cheetah !
- » When the employees of a
restaurant
attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official
demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. "Pull the pin like a
hand grenade," he explained, "then depress the trigger to release the
foam."
Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled
fire in the
parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the
pin.
The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?"
In a
burst of confidence she pulled the pin -- and hurled the
extinguisher at the blaze.
- » How do snails get their shells all
shiny?
They use snail polish.
- » Did you hear about the ghost who learnt to
fly?
He was pleased to be back on terror-firma.
- » What's the difference between a
surgeon and a puppy?
If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an
hour, it'll probably
stop whining.
- » How do mice celebrate when they move home ?
With a mouse warming party !
- » Q: What do you call a blonde with a
bag of
sugar on her head?
A: Sweet fuck all.
- » What happened to the skunk who failed
his swimming
lesson?
He stank to the bottom of the pool!
- » What's the definition of unlikely?
A
photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The World's Top Accountants -
Nude!'.