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Why did the internit paint his
computer
screen in little black and white squares?
He wanted to check his
e-mail.
Losowe wpisy
- » Patient:
Doctor, I think I
swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: How do you feel?
Patient: A little
down in the mouth.
- » When do ghosts usually appear?
Just before
someone screams.
- » A recent study showed that the average
husband
only actually speaks to
his wife about thirty-seven minutes
each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long
does it take to
say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?
- » Did you hear about the dentist who planted a
garden?...
A month later he was picking his teeth
- » What do owls sing when it is raining ?
'Too
wet to woo' !
- » At the Russian War College, the general is a
guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will
focus
on potential problems and the resulting strategies.
One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question,
"Will we have to fight a World War Three?"
"Yes, comrades,
looks like you will," answers the general.
"And who will be our
enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks.
"The likelihood
is that it will be China."
The class looks alarmed, and finally
one officer asks, "But Comrade
General, we are 150 million people
and they are about 1.5 billion. How
can we possibly win?"
"Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is
not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in
the
Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs,
and the
Jews have been the winners every time."
"But sir
," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have enough jews"?
- » Who do you think was sent to cover the
story of the baby lion born in the
zoo? A cub reporter.
- » Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper ?
He had his own frog horn !
- » Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to
chorus?
A: He wanted to sing higher!
- » Who is king of all the mice ?
Mouse Tse Tung
!
- » Teacher: Tommy Russell, you're late again.
Tommy: Sorry, sir. It's my bus - it's always coming late.
Teacher:
Well, if it's late again tomorrow, catch an earlier
one.
- » Teacher: "Name six
wild
animals"
Pupil:"Four elephants and two lions !"
- » Yo mama so fat
people jog around her for
exercise
- » A
Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are
viewing a painting of Adam and Eve
frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be
British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're
naked, and so
beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No
clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an
apple
to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are
Russian."
- » Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She
drowns it.