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Learner driver: What happens when everything's coming your way? Instructor: You're in the wrong lane.

Losowe wpisy

» What is the bank manager's favourite type of football ? Fiver side !
» A wildlife biologist is working in the woods, miles from the nearest town. He's camped alone with his dog and cat as his companions. Suddenly, an old gentleman carrying a small limp dog, franticly runs into his camp. "Please, please help me! I think something has happened to Willie. Our Winnebago is parked just around the bend and we've seen you camped here. We didn't know what to do. We thought of you because we had seen all this scientific equipment laying around here. Can you help him?" " Sir, I'm not a vet, I'm a wildlife biologist," the young biologist told the worried man. "Can you please just have a look at him, I'll pay you anything you need. I just need to know. If he's still alive, maybe I can rush him into town." "Ok, put him here on the table." The young biologist looks the limp dog over, but its plain that the dog is dead,, no pulse or signs of breathing. "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid poor Willie is dead." "No, I can't believe that..... It can't be true...are you sure?" "Yes, I'm quite sure." "I just can't believe that....With all this equipment, isn't there something you can do? I must be absolutely sure." The biologist called his big yellow cat over to the table. The cat walked around the dead dog, occasionally sniffing at the carcass. He then looks up at the biologist and let out a few weak meows. "Well, the cat say he's dead. Does that assure you?" "No, I need more than that...Do you have anything else?" The biologist calls over his big black dog. The dog circles the body a few times, sniffing it every now and then. After a few moments, the dog barks at the biologist. "Well, now the dog says he's dead. That's all I can do for you sir." "OK, well I guess its true. I'll take him back and bury him...How much do I owe you?" "It'll be $650 bucks." The biologist tells the old man. "What??", replied the old man, "How can you charge that much??!!" "Well sir, I could have told you he was dead for only a dollar, but you're the one that insisted on the cat scan and the lab tests!"
» Q: What does Clinton have in common with his Hollywood pals? A: They all make a living by lying to people.
» What did one snake say to another ? Hiss off !
» Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.
» Your mamas so skinny she swallowed a meatball n thought she was pregnant.
» A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!" Her friend said, "O.K. then, what's the capital of France?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."
» What kind of ant can you colour with ? A crayant !
» There's a guy who's hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree. The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away. So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he's brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn't reach him. Eventually, the bears went away. Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble. Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.
» Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."
» What was the parrot doing in prison ? It was a jail-bird !
» What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear ? A petticoat !
» Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton? A: Because he filed as head of the household.
» What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck? A bird that lays down !
» What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.