Treść
Motorist: Does a deer have a
horn?
Police Officer: No, a deer has two horns.
Motorist: Then it must have
been a car that ran over my uncle.
Losowe wpisy
- » When this guy heard that the Pope was coming
to town, he went
out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the
Pope might notice
him on the parade route. When he went to the parade,
there was
this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on.
The
the guy's amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to
the
bum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy went
over
to the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off his
back. Next
day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum.
Sure enough, when
the Pope came, he stopped in front of this
guy, and whispered in his
ear, "I thought I told you to get
the hell out of here!"
- » Eulus stood in front of the take-out
window of a Rawl-ins fast food restaurant. "I want two hamburgers,"
he said. "One with onions, and one without."
The counter man:
"Okay. Which one's without the onions?"
- » A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and
asked for one spur. "One spur?" asked the saddler. "Surely you mean
a
pair of spurs, sir?" "No, just one," replied the horseman. "If I
can
get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to
come with
it!"
- » A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who
were
training to become detectives. To test their skills in
recognizing a
suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and
then hides
it.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize
him?"
The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him
fast because
he only has one eye!"
The policeman says,
"Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his
PROFILE."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture
for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles,
flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too
easy to catch because he
only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the
matter with you two?? Of
course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING
because it's a picture of
his profile!! Is that the best ans
wer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point,
he shows the picture to the third
blonde and in a very testy voice
asks, "This is your suspect, how would
you recognize
him?"
He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid
answer."
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says,
"Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is
surprised and speechless because he really doesn't
know himself if the
suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an
interesting
answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file
and I'll get
back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office,
checks the suspect's file
in his computer, and comes back with a
beaming smile on his face. "Wow!
I can't believe it...it's TRUE!
The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were
you able to make such an astute
observation?"
"That's e
asy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses
because
he only has one eye and one ear."
- » What two letters do you say when you
answer
the phone?
LO
- » One
day there was a blonde riding a horse.
The horse kept going faster and
faster until the blonde fell off,
with her foot getting stuck in the
stirrup. Hearing her screams for
help, finally a Wal-Mart clerk came over
and turned off the
merry-go-round.
- » Why does a flamingo lift up one leg ?
Because
if he lifted up both legs it would fall over !
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Aldo
!
Aldo who ?
Aldo anywhere with you !
- » If necessity is the mother of invention,
why does so much unnecessary
stuff get invented?
- » What's the
difference between a lawyer and
an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.
- » A little boy walked down the
aisle at a
wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would take two
steps,
then stop, and turn to the crowd, alternating between the bride's
side and the groom's side. While facing the crowd, he would put his
hands up like claws and roar. And so it went-step, step, ROAR, step,
step,
ROAR-all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the
crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by
the time he reached the
pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more
distressed from all
the laughing, and he was near tears by the time he
reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed back
his tears and
said, "I was being the ring bear."
- » Johnny
collected lots of money from trick or
treating and he went to the candy
store to buy some chocolate. '
You should give that money to charity,'
said the
shopkeeper.
'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'
- » The Volunteer Fire Chief in a small town
had just been buried. The last words of the service over, his
friends and
family started toward their cars.
However, they stopped
because a strange, eerie sound suddenly was heard
from the
grave.
As the guests looked around, a colleague of the deceased said, "Don't
worry... it's just the dispatcher toning him out."
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Alpaca
!
Alpaca who ?
Alpaca picnic lunch !
- » Q: How many musicians does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and
17 to be on
the guest list.