Treść
When you call a dog, they usually come to
you.
When you call a cat; they take a message.
Losowe wpisy
- » What do you call a pig with three eyes?
...A
piiig
- » Professor: I forgot to take
my umbrella
this morning.
Wife: When did you first miss it, dear?
Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had
stopped.
- » How do you get a cut-price parrot ?
Plant
bird seed !
- » What does a monster mom say to her
kids at
dinnertime?
Don't talk with someone in your mouth.
- » Did you hear about the
boy who was
told to do 100 lines?
He drew 100 cats on the paper.
He thought
the teacher had said lions.
- » Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children
a dachshund?
He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.
- » If a man says something in the middle
of a
forest, and there is no women
around to hear him, is he still wrong?
- » Hatton: I ain't as dumb as I look!
Folsom: You couldn't
be!
- » Three partners
in an accounting firm go
out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the
tax partner and the
senior partner. One of them sees a brass lamp lying
in the gutter.
Curious, they pick it up and give it a rub. Instantly, a
genie
appears.
"You know the deal," says the genie. "Three wishes. But
seeing there
are three of you, you can have one wish
each."
"Great," says the audit partner. "Take me to the Whitsunday Islands,
give me a blonde and an endless supply of XXXX and leave me there for
ever."
Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he
is gone.
"Now me," says the tax partner. "Take me to the Cook
Islands, give
me two blondes and an endless supply of offshore tax
schemes and leave
me there for ever."
Pouf! There is a flash
of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone.
The genie turns to the
senior partner. "And what do you want?"
"I want those two ba
ck in the office straight after lunch."
- » Q: How many internet mail list subscribers
does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: Exactly five
hundred.
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the
light
bulb has been changed.
7 to share similar experiences of
changing light bulbs and how the
light bulb could have been changed
differently or to caution about the
dangers of changing light
bulbs.
17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about
changing light
bulbs.
21 to flame the spell checkers.
49 to
write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb
discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
20 to
correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
32 to post that
this list is not about light bulbs and to please take
this email
exchange to alt.lite.bulb.
69 to demand that cross posting to
alt.grammar, alt.spelling and
alt.punctuation about changing light bul
bs be stopped.
41 to defend the posting to this list saying
that we all use light
bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to
this mail list.
106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs
is superior, where
to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light
bulbs work best for
this technique, and what brands are
faulty.
12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light
bulbs.
8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post
corrected
URLs.
2 to post about links they found from the
URLs that are relevant to
this list which makes light bulbs relevant
to this list.
15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote
them including all
headers and footers, and then add pointedly, "Me
Too."
6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because
they cannot
handle the light bulb controversy.
9 to quote the
"Me Too's" and happily add, "Me Three!"
3 to suggest that
posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new
alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
24 to say this is just what
alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave
it here.
53 votes for
alt.lite.bulb.
- » End of the Week by Gladys Friday
- » The Barber of
Seville by Aaron Floor
- » "Where's the car?" asked Professor
Delbert's wife when he got home.
"Did I take it out?"
"Yes, you drove it to school this morning."
"I suppose you're
right, my dear. I remember now that after I got
out, I turned to
thank the man who gave me a lift and wondered where he'd
gone."
- » An elderly woman
decided to have her
portrait painted. She told the artist "Paint me with
diamond earrings, a
diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach,
and gold Rolex."
A ninety-year-old man was accused of raping a
twenty-year-old.
"So, did you do it?" his lawyer asked.
"Of course not," the old man
replied. "But I was so flattered, I
pleaded guilty."
- » How many archaeologists does it take to change a
light bulb?
Three. One to change it while the other two argue
about how old the old
one is.