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"Do you
believe in life after
death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir," the new
employee replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine,"
the boss went on.
"After you left early yesterday to go to your
grandmother's funeral, she
stopped in to see you."
Losowe wpisy
- » Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case!
- » A lady was
filling her tank at a gas
station, smoking a cigarette, even though all
the signs say not to. The
fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited,
severely burning her
hands.
But it also lit up her arm, too!
Instead of rolling
on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took
off running
down the street.
A police car was at the intersection where it
happened and he tried to
stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept
running and screaming.
All the officer could think of doing was to
shoot her. This took
everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to
her and put the fire out, then
called for an ambulance.
When
questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer
said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a
fire-arm."
- » Doctor Sawbones speaking. Oh, doctor, my
girlfriend's just dislocated her jaw. Can you come over in, say, three
or four weeks' time?
- » A woman goes into a funeral home to make
arrangements
for her
husband's funeral. She tells the director
that she wants her husband
to be buried in a dark blue
suit.
He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black
suit
that he's wearing?"
But she insists that it must be a blue suit
and gives him a blank
check to buy one.
When she comes back
for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin
and he is wearing a
beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how
much she loves the
suit and asks how much it cost.
He says, "Actually, it didn't
cost anything. The funniest thing
happened. As soon as you left,
another corpse was brought in, this one
wearing a blue suit. I noticed
that they were about the same size, and
asked the other widow if she
would mind if her husband were buried in
a black suit. She said that
was fine with her. So... I switched the
heads."
- » Is that your face or are you
wearing
your hair back to front today?
- » How does every ethnic joke start?
By
looking over your shoulder.
- » Where do cowboys cook their
meals?
On
the range.
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Althea
!
Althea who ?
Althea in court!
- » Q: Have you heard about the Irish
abortion
clinic?
A: There's a 12-month waiting list.
- » What do you call pigs in a demolition derby?
Crashing boars.
- » What does
the dentist of the year get?...A
little plaque.
- » Why was the lion-tamer fined ?
He
parked on a yellow lion !
- » What's
the difference between a Northern zoo
and a Southern zoo?
In a Northern zoo you have the name of the
animal and the Latin name
underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the
name of the animal and a
recipe underneath.
- » Who is bigger - Mrs Bigger or Mrs
Bigger's
baby?
Mrs Bigger's baby, because he's a little Bigger.
- » How do you
turn a Fox into a Pit
Bull?
Marry her !