Treść
What do you get if you cross King Kong with
a giant frog?
A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building
and catches
aeroplanes with its tongue.
Losowe wpisy
- » Q: What does Clinton do to lose weight?
A:
Runs away from the draft.
- » A monster walked into the council rent office
with a $5 note stuck in one ear and a $10 note in the other.
You see, he was $15 in arrears.
- » Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate,
one minute I'm ok, and the next minute, I'm blank!
And how long
have you had this complaint?
What complaint?
- » On what should you mount a statue of your cat
?
A caterpillar !
- » A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer
scientist
were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the
world. The doctor
remarked "Well, in the Bible it says that God
created Eve from a rib
taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so
I can rightly claim
that mine is the oldest profession in the
world."
The civil engineer interrupted and said "But even earlier in
the book
of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the
heavens and the
earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and
certainly the most
spectacular application of civil engineering.
Therefore, fair doctor,
you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession
in the world."
The computer scientist leaned back in his chair,
smiled, and said
confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the
chaos?
- » Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and
nephews. However, she had
relatives all over the country.
The
problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she
hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always
worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.
She read
books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess
demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly
every time a visit was coming up.
Finally, the family decided
that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd
be convinced. So they sent
her to a friend of the family who was an
actuary.
"Tell
me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone
will
have a bomb on a plane?"
The actuary looked through his tables
and said, "A very small chance.
Maybe one in five hundred thousand."
She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the o
dds of two
people having a bomb on the same plane?"
Again
he went through his tables.
"Extremely remote," he said. "About
one in a billion."
Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office.
And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with
her.
- » Why is
Christmas just like a day at the
office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all
the
credit.
- » When a young hotshot conductor was making his
debut at
the Met, he showed the jaded and skeptical orchestra how
well he knew the
music by singing all parts of the Lucia sextet during
rehearsal.
Afterwards, one musician was overheard whispering to
the other,
impressed, "Well, this kid really knows his
stuff!"
The other replied, "I don't think he is so hot. Did you notice how
flat his high E was at the end?"
- » Mum: Why does your little brother
jump up and down before taking his medicine?
Boy: Because he read
the label, and it said 'shake well before
using.'
- » Question: What goes up and never comes
down?
Answer: Up
- » At a family gathering, husband began teasing his
wife
about how she always get her way. "Honey," she said to her
husband,
"when I get my way, that's a compromise."
"What is it
when I get my way?" he was quick to ask. She replied,
"That's a
miracle!"
- » I
really don't understand why the federal
government was so slow to send
aid to the areas hit by Hurricane
Andrew. After all, both Florida and
Louisiana have oil.
- » What's a moo hoo for a cow barn on a holiday?
A merry dairy!
- » Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and
then turn around and come home?
A: It took her that long to
discover that a 14 inch Viking was a
television.
- » How
many schoolteachers does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is
added to the
homework.