
Treść
A defendant was
on trial for murder. There
was very strong evidence indicating guilt,
but no corpse had been
found. In the defense's closing statement the
lawyer, knowing that
his client would probably be convicted, decided to
try a trick.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,"
the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the
person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!"
He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat
stunned, all
looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement.
But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you
that
there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone
was killed
and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few
minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" the lawyer asked. "You must have had some doubt. I saw
all of you stare at the door."
"Oh, yes," the jury foreman
replied. "We all looked - but your
client didn't!"
Losowe wpisy
- » A big, burly man visited the pastor's home
and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her
charitable impulses.
"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I
wish to draw your attention
to the terrible plight of a poor family
in this district. The father is
dead, the mother is too ill to
work, and the nine children are
starving. They are about to be turned
into the cold, empty streets unless
someone pays their rent, which
amounts to $400."
"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife.
"May I ask who you
are?"
The sympathetic visitor applied his
handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm
the landlord," he sobbed.
- » Two men were walking home after a Halloween
party and
decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for
laughs. Right in
the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a
tap-tap-tapping noise
coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with
fear, they found an old
man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away
at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said
after catching his breath, "You
scared us half to death -- we thought
you were a ghost! What are you
doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man
grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
- » A firefighter died and went to hell where
he finds
a wall of clocks.
After seeing all these clocks on a
wall, with his friends names under
them, he asked the devil, what the
clocks mean?
"That's easy, each time one of your friends mess up on
earth, their
clock speeds up one hour." says the devil.
"I
don't see the Chiefs clock anywhere?" the fireman says.
The devil
replied, "Oh him, we have his down in the basement, we're
using it for a
fan."
- » Two Rabbits are running from a group of foxes.
They hide in a pile of hay, one rabbit says to the other one "ok we
can run for it or we can stay here and out number them. And the
other
rabbit says, "were going to run for it you idiot I'm your
brother.
- » One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his
lawn
chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn. A
neighbor lady
was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the
man, "You
should be hung!" To which he calmly replied, "I am.
That's why she cuts
the grass!"
- » Who writes books for little bees ?
Bee-trix
Potter !
- » What old-time song is the burgers'
favourite?
'Hammy' - as sung by Al Jolson!
- » What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps
on
Batman and Robin ?
Flatman and Ribbon !
- » What did the worm say to the other when he was
late home ?
Where in earth have you been !
- » What do you find in a zombie's veins?
Dead blood corpuscles.
- » Alsation: Why do you like to go on camping
trips?
Chihuahua: I like to "ruff it!
- » Q. What kind
of motor vehicles are in
the Bible?
A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen
Beetle:
"We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond
movement."
- » FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I
counted
the rings under her eyes.
BERT MONSTER: That's nothing. My
sister's tongue is so long, she can
lick an envelope after she's
posted it.
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Cymbals
!
Cymbals who?
Cymbals have horns and others don't !
- » Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow
raincoat, people said "Taxi!"