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Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity? A: Her crayons are still sticky.

Losowe wpisy

» There were those three guys, a priest, a doctor and an engineer, and they were playing golf. But the group before them was extremely slow and at each hole they waited hours. Finally the priest asked around, why was that other group was so slow? He was told that they were very courageous firemen who saved the golf course a couple of years ago from a terrible fire, in which they all lost their sight. As a proof of appreciation they were given the right to play on the course whenever they wanted. They like that a lot, but being blind they are just not too good at hitting the ball, let alone finding it after it's hit. The priest said, "Oh my this is terrible. Tonight I'll say a little prayer for these courageous souls." The doctor heard that and said "Don't worry. I'll send them to a friend of mine, he's an ophtalmologist and he works wonders." The engineer said "Wait. Why can't they just play at ni ght?"
» Would you rather have a 300-pound dog chase you or a tiger? I'd rather have him chase the tiger.
» Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A: The car salesman can probably drive!
» What do you call a thick-skinned aardvark? A hardvark!
» How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group? Look for gray hares.
» Knock Knock Who's there ! Anita ! Anita who ? Anita you like I need a hole in the head !
» Definition: Politics Poli (Poly): Many.... Tic(k)s: Blood sucking creatures
» Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing has improved. Pupil: Thank you Teacher: Now I can see how bad your spelling is though !
» How can you tell a lawyer is lying? Other lawyers look interested.
» What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower? A widower.
» One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look. An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes "What the hell is she doing?" An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing. The blone says, "My stupid computer keeps saying you've got mail."
» Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl. 'You're getting your Christmas present a week early this year,' her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. 'Is that what you want?' The little girl said, 'It's wonderful, mother...just what I wanted. There's just one thing wrong!' 'What's that?' her mother asked. 'Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws!' Her mother smiled. 'Don't worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you'll find the claws are there.' Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie d about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasn't even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of its paws. When Christmas Eve arrived and there was still no sign, Kitty went to her mother and asked again, 'Are you absolutely sure that the kitten will have its middle claws tomorrow? There's only a few hours to go and there's not a hint or clue or an inkling as to claws as far as I can see.' 'Wait till you wake up on Christmas morning,' her mother smiled and went on stuffing the turkey. So Kitty went to sleep a worried girl. When she woke up on Christmas morning she ignored the presents in her stocking and rushed downstairs to look at her little kitten. She was astounded, amazed and just a little surprised to see that her kitten had four claws on every paw! The middle ones had appeared as if by magic. Kitty rushed to her parent's bedroom. 'Mummy , Mummy! The kitten has grown its middle claws!' 'Of course it has,' her mother grinned. 'But how did you know?' Kitty demanded. Her father rolled over sleepily and sighed, 'Oh, Kitty, everybody knows that Centre-claws always comes at Christmas!'
» First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries - that's my girl. Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.
» Q: Why aren't Hindu and Chinese people allowed to play hockey? A: Because everytime they go into the corner they open up a convienent store.
» Three old ladies met on the street on a very stormy day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other. "It's windy," said one. "No, it's Thursday," said the next. "So am I," said the third. "Let's go and have a drink!"