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Q: Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair? A: She wanted to rock and roll

Losowe wpisy

» Student: "Would it be possible to install Arabic language support on those computers?" Computer Teacher: "In order to use Arabic language in Windows, you must install an Arabic graphic card. So I don't think we could do that."
» What are baby witches called? Halloweenies.
» Who's the aardvark's favorite female vocalist? Bearbara Streis-ant!
» Why does the Hound of the Baskervilles turn round and round before he lies down for the night? Because he's the watchdog and he has to wind himself up.
» Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us." After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away. The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is time that learned how to make a living from the sea." They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three month voyage. The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the greiving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. "My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried. The ragged fisherman began to tell his story: "We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again." "Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been!" "Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away...."
» What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
» Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton? A: Because he filed as head of the household.
» She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice - they can't believe it the first time.
» Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline.
» What does an Australian witch ride on? A broomerang!
» What is an autobiography? The life story of an automobile.
» An eighty year old couple decide to try for a child. They visit the doctor who asks the old geezer to produce a sperm sample in a bottle. After two weeks, the couple return and the bottle is empty. "What's the problem?" asks the doctor. "Well," says the old man, "First I tried it with my right hand, then my left. Then my wife tried it with her right hand, then her left. Then she tried it with her teeth in and with her teeth out, and we still can't get the lid off the bloody bottle."
» What fish make the best sandwich? A peanut butter and jellyfish
» Q: What do men and sperm have in common? A:They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
» A couple of hunters from Prague are out hunting, and an emormous bear runs up and in a single gulp devours one of the hunters. Miraculously, the swallowed hunter remained alive, trapped in the belly of the grizzly. The other hunter runs back to town and organizes a rescue party which heads back to the woods armed with torches, guns, spears, etc. Soon they spot two bears on the horizon and everybody starts shooting at the bear that's closest to them. "No, not that one," shouts the surviving hunter, "That's the female." "The Czech is in the male."