
Treść
An elderly lady did her shopping and,
upon
returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with
her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding
to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know
how to use it! Get out of the car, scumbags !"
The four men
didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran
like mad,
whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her
shopping
bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's
seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She
tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later
she
found her own car parked four or five spaces farther
down.
She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police
station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two
with
laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter,
where four pale
white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad
elderly woman
described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and
curly white hair carrying
a large handgun.
Losowe wpisy
- » What's the speed limit of sex?
68; at 69 you
have to turn around.
- » Yo mama is so stupid she sold her car
for
gas money.
- » How do you get a paper baby?
Marry an old
bag.
- » The couple was dining out when the wife
noticed a familiar face at the
bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing "do
you see that man downing
bourbon at
the bar?"
The husband
looked over and nodded. "Well," the woman continued,
"he's
been
drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!"
The
husband returned to his meal. "Nonsense," he said, "even that's
not
worth so much celebrating!"
- » A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in
dire
trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious
financial
trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.
He goes
into the synagogue and begins to pray
"God, please
help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some
money, I'm
going to lose my house as well, please let me win the
lotto".
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Jacob goes back
to the synagogue.
"God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost
my business, my house
and I'm going to lose my car as
well".
Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!!
Back to the
synagogue.
"My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my
business, my house,
my car and my wife and children are starving. I
don't often ask you
for help and I have always been a good servant to
you. Why won't you
just let me win the lotto this one time so
I can get my life back in
order???".
Suddenly there is a
blinding flash of light as the heavens open and
Jacob is confronted
by the voice of GOD himself:
"JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE,
BUY A DAMN TICKET"
- » "Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering
from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating someone
with
pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."
"Don't worry, it
won't happen to me. If I treat someone with
pneumonia he will die
of pneumonia."
- » What did the Eskimo children
sing when
their principal was leaving?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
- » Q: Whats the difference between
purple and
pink?
A: The grip.
- » Who drives away all
his customers
?
A taxi driver.
- » Teacher: In what part of the
world are the
people most ignorant ?
Pupil: Hong Kong
Teacher: Why do you say
that ?
Pupil: That's where the atlas says the population is most
dense !
- » Is there a mouse in the house ?
No, but
there's a moose on the loose !
- » Q. What do you
call a woman who knows where
her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Badger
!
Badger who ?
Badger cookies !
- » Question: Why is divorce so
expensive?
Answer: Because it's worth it.
- » And how did you find your steak sir?
Well,
quite accidentally. I moved this tomato slice and there it
was