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What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a
meal
?
That hit the spots !
Losowe wpisy
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psychiatrist?
'I feel abominable.'
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All the house plants are
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medium and
rare?
A: 6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.
- » A forester and a lawyer were in car
accident and showed up at
the pearly gates together.
St. Peter
greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the
homeswhere
they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy
vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road,
which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge
mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your
home
for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you
need, just
let me know.
Then St. Peter took the forester to
his home, back down the diamond
studded boulevard, down the
platinum highway, down the street of gold,
down an avenue of silver, along
a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath
to a shack. St Peter
says "Here you go" and goes to leave when the
forester says
"Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion
and I get this s
hack?"
St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen
here, we have
never had a lawyer before."
- » Q: How do you confuse a
blonde?
A: Ask
her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
- » The Pope took a philosophy professor (an
atheist at that) out fishing on
a large lake. As they drifted on
the still lake, the philosopher
accidentally dropped an oar and
watched it float away. The pontiff
stepped out of the boat, walked across
the water to the oar, grabbed it
and walked back to the boat. The
next day at the university, a
colleague
asked the philosopher if
he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. "It was
okay, but would you
believe that guy can't swim?"
- » The
teacher was reviewing counting with her
first-grade class. "Jackie,"
she asked, "can you count to 10
without mistakes?"
"Yes," said Jackie, and she did.
"Now, Fred," said
the teacher, "can you count from 10 to 20?"
"That depends," said
Fred, "with or without mistakes"!
- » A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer
scientist
were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the
world. The doctor
remarked "Well, in the Bible it says that God
created Eve from a rib
taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so
I can rightly claim
that mine is the oldest profession in the
world."
The civil engineer interrupted and said "But even earlier in
the book
of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the
heavens and the
earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and
certainly the most
spectacular application of civil engineering.
Therefore, fair doctor,
you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession
in the world."
The computer scientist leaned back in his chair,
smiled, and said
confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the
chaos?
- » A drunk stammers out of a bar and
runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus
Christ.''
The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm Jesus
Christ.''
So the drunk says it to the second priest.
The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' and walks back into the
bar with the priests.
The bartender takes on look at the
drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus
Christ, you're here again?''
- » What word allows you to take away two letters
and get one?
Stone.
- » Q: What is the best thing that ever came out
of Arkansas?
A: Highway 55.
- » A stallion and a mare where due to get married,
but the stallion
didn't show up at the church.
He got colt
feet
- » Doctor, Doctor,
I think I'm a
bridge.
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a
coach.
- » What type of music do lightning bolts listen
to?
-Rock and Roll
- » When pigs get a toothache, who do
they see?'
Painless Porker.