
Treść
For the first time in many
years, a an old
man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a
movie.
After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to
purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help
but comment, "The last
time I came to the movies, popcorn was only
15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin,
"You're really
going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.."
Losowe wpisy
- » One Hundred
Metres to the Bus Stop, by
Willy Makit, illustrated by Betty
Wont
- » A
farmer and his pig were driving down the
road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked the farmer,
"Didn't you know it is against the law to
ride with a pig in the front
of you truck?"
The farmer replied, "No, I didn't knowed
that."
The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said, "To
Memphis".
The cop said, "I will let you off the hook this time if you
promise to
take the pig to the zoo when you get to
Memphis."
So the farmer promised he would.
Several days later the cop
spotted the farmer with the pig driving down
the road and he pulled him
over again.
The cop said "I thought I told you to take this pig
to the zoo when
you got to Memphis" and to this the farmer replied
"I did and we had so
much fun, I'm taking him to the circus."
- » How can you tell if you are looking at a police
glow-worm?
He has a flashing light.
- » A small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly
woman. He
approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known
you
since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and
talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a
rising big shot
when you haven't the brains to realize you never
will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know
you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he
pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the
defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known
Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him
for his parents. And he,too,
has been a real disappointment to
me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a
drinking problem. The man can't
build a normal relationship with anyone
and his law practice is one
of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I
know him."
At
this point the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both
counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace,
"If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for
contempt within 5 minutes!"
- » Carpet Fitting
by Walter Wall
- » Q: What did the female cat say to the male cat? -
A: You're the
purrfect cat for me!
- » Osama bin Laden threatened Russia:
If
you get caught up in this war... I'll hide from you
too!
- » Q. What's worse
than finding a worm in the
apple you're eating?
A. Finding half a worm.
- » What do you get if you cross a bike and a rose
?
Bicycle petals !
- » A traveller pulls into a hotel
around
midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk
fills out the
paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous
blonde sitting in the
lobby. He tells the clerk to wait while he
disappears into the lobby.
After a minute he comes back, with the girl on
his arm.
"Fancy meeting my wife here," he says to the clerk.
"Guess I'll
need a double room for the night."
Next morning,
he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be
over $3000.
"What's the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk.
"I've only
been here one night!"
"Yes," says the clerk, "but your wife has
been here for three
weeks."
- » Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Its OK,
Sir, there's no extra charge!
- » "You know an ancestor of mine came over on the
Mayflower." "Really? Which rat was he?"
- » A little girl climbed
into her
grandfather's lap and studied his white, balding head. She
ran her
fingers along the deep wrinkles and road mapped his face and
neck.
"Did god make you?", she asked.
"yes" he answered.
"did god makeme, to?" she wondered.
"yes", he replied.
"well, she shrugged, "don't you think he's doing a better job now
than he used to?"
- » What does the bee Santa Claus say ?
Ho hum
hum !
- » Q: Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called
positively
atheist?
A: Because it hasn't got a prayer.