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A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My
wife is pregnant, and
her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you
idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"
Losowe wpisy
- » Personally I think one of the greatest things
about
marriage is that
as both husband and Father, I can say
anything I want to around the
house.
Of course, no one pays the
least bit of attention.
- » What famous movie did the hamburger meat think
of
when they took it out of the freezer?
They Fry Who Cam in
from the Cold!
- » Mother: Fred, why did you put a slug in your
grandma's
bed? Fred: Because I couldn't find a snake.
- » Yo mama house so small that when she orders a
large
pizza she had to go outside to eat it.
- » The man was in no shape to drive, so
he
wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking
unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out
here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture."
the man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?"
the cop asked.
"My wife." said the man.
- » Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful,
provided you
get between the right man and the right woman.
- » Why did Davy Crockett always
wear a
coonskin cap?
It was a birthday present from his wife!
- » Who writes books for little bees ?
Bee-trix
Potter !
- » Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar
!
Have you taken anything for it ?
- » Did you hear the new penalty for
speeding in Illinois?
The first offense they give you Bears tickets
and the second offense
they make you use them.
- » End of the Week by Gladys Friday
- » What does Paul Inces mum make for
Christmas?
Ince pies!
- » One Sunday morning the pastor
noticed
little Johnny was
standing staring up at the large plaque that hung
in the foyer of
the church. The young man of seven had been staring
at the
plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood
beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, "Good
morning son."
"Good morning pastor" replied the young man not taking
his
eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny
asked.
"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the
service",
replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together
staring up at the
large plaque.
Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence
when he asked
quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"
- » There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Hiroshima Barbie ...just a shadow of her former self
- » America's
oldest lady was 115 years
old today, and she hasn't got a grey hair on her
head.
How
come?
She's completely bald.