Treść
A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it
reached a
comfortable
cruising altitude, the captain made an
announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your
captain speaking.
Welcome to
Flight number 293, non-stop from New
York to Los Angeles. The weather
ahead is good and therefore we
should have a smooth flight, Now sit
back
and relax. - OH MY
GOD!"
Silence
Then, the captain came back on the intercom and
said: "Ladies and
Gentlemen, I an so sorry if I scared you earlier,
but while I was
talking
the flight attendant brought me a cup
of coffee and spilled the hot
coffee
in my lap. You should see
the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said: "That's
nothing. He should see the back of
mine!"
Losowe wpisy
- » Why did the duck stick his leg into a
computer?
He wanted to have webbed feet.
- » There was this little kid who had a bad
habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he
didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat.
Two weeks later, his
mother had her friends over for a game of bridge.
The boy points to
an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I
know what you've
been doing!"
- » You
have just received the "Kentucky
Virus"!!!
As we ain't got no programin' experience, this here Virus
works on
the honor system.
Please delete all the files on
your hard drive, and manually forward
this virus to everyone on your
mailing list.
Thanks for your cooperation.
- » Martin asked David, "In which
state does the
Ohio River run?" David answered with cool, "In the liquid
state."
- » Why did the teacher decide to become an
electrician? To get a bit of
light relief.
- » Q: What do men and sperm
have in
common?
A:They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human
being.
- » Why can any hamburger run the mile in under
four
minutes?
Because it's a FAST food!
- » Three firefighters
went out on a
hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief.
The weather
was
misrable and they hadn't seen any deer all day. They came across
an
old shack where they went inside to play
a game of poker.
After loosing a couple of hands, the rookie threw down
his cards and
said "that does it! I am
going out to get me a deer." Fifteen minutes
later, the rookie came
back with a nice four point buck.
The
captain and chief asked, "how did you get that?" The rookie replied,
"I walked out fifty feet, followed some
tracks and shot this buck".
The captain then said, "I've had enough
of this I am going to get
my deer." He
came back a half hour later with a 6-point buck. The
chief asked, "how
did you get that?" The captain replied,
"I walked
out a hundred feet, followed some tracks and shot this
buck." The
chief not wanting to be out done
said "I am out of here, I am g
oing to bag the biggest buck of the
day." He came back an hour
later, all mangled
up and bloody. The rookie and captain asked, "what
happened to you?"
The chief replied, "I walked out there
five
hundred feet, followed some tracks, and got hit by a
train."
- » Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one
day about Mr. Riley and his
constant drinking. Mrs. Dugan said, "I
have an idea about how to stop
him from spending so much time at the
pub. Every night he comes home
through the cemetery. One night you
should get disguised and spook him
when he comes staggering
through."
So Mrs. Riley waited in the cemetery one night until she
heard her
husband coming. She jumped up and a startled Riley said,
"Who are you??"
Mrs. Riley replied, "I am the devil!"
With
that, Riley shook her hand and said, "Glad to meet ya, I'm
married
to your sister."
- » A boy went into the local department
store where he saw a sign on the escalator - 'Dogs must be carried
on
this escalator.'
The boy then spent the next tow hours
looking for a dog.
- » Having arrived at the edge of the river, the
fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just
then he
happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a
worm. The
fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
Feeling sorry
for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him
up again and poured
a little beer down his throat. Then he went
about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his
pant leg. Looking
down, he saw the same snake with three more worms
in his
mouth...
- » The wedding was over, and the reception
was in full swing. Dave an usher, was having a great time with other
members of the wedding party. His wife, Betty was not.
"Don't be
to mad at Dave," a friend told her. "He did a terrific
job. I'd be
glad to have him usher at my wedding."
"Yeah," Betty replied, "I
wish he had been an usher at
mine."
- » Egotistical Harry was always reminding people
that he
played semi-pro baseball.
"I was the James Bond type
of player," he told his friends. "I had
all sorts of tricks to
confuse the opposition."
"Batted .007," his wife added.
- » Why do women have
smaller
feet than men?
- It allows them to stand closer to the sink.
- » A blind man was describing his favorite sport,
parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that
things were all done
for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing
eye dog and told when
to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring
for me and out I go with
the dog."
"But how do you know when
you are going to land?" he was asked. "I
have a very keen sense of
smell, and I can smell the trees and grass
when I am 300 feet from
the ground" he answered.
"But how do you know when to lift your
legs for the final arrival on
the ground?" he was again asked. He
quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's
leash goes slack."