Treść
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a
telephone.
Doctor: Why's that?
I keep getting calls in the night.
Losowe wpisy
- » Q: What is the basement where White House
staffers work called?
A: The whine cellar.
- » A Catholic Priest and
a Rabbi were
chatting one day when the conversation turned to a
discussion of job
descriptions and promotion.
"What do you have to look forward to in
way of a promotion in your
job?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well,
I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the
Priest.
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, next I can
become Arch-Bishop." said the Priest.
"Yes, and then?" asked the
Rabbi.
"If I work real hard and do a good job as Arch-Bishop, it's
possible
for me to become a full Bishop." said the
Priest.
"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest, begining to get a
bit exasperated replied, "With some luck
and real hard work, maybe
I can become a Cardinal."
"And then?" asked the
Rabbi.
The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots
and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the
right
places at the right times and play my political games just
right, maybe,
just maybe, I can get elected Pope."
"Yes, and
then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Good grief!" shouted the Priest.
"What do you expect me to become,
GOD?"
"Well," said the
Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"
- » How can you tell if an elephant's been to
your
birthday party?
Look for his footprints in the ice cream.
- » Q: You know what the
problem with
political jokes is, don't you?
A: They get elected.
- » What happened to the horse that swallowed a
dollar
bill?
It bucked!
- » Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she
brings down
the bridge too
- » Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas
cake ?
Your teeth !
- » At a
convention of biological scientists
one researcher remarks to another:
"Did you know that in our lab we
have switched from mice to lawyers
for our experiments?"
"Really?" the other replied,
"Why did you switch?"
"Well, for four
very good reasons. First we found that lawyers are far
more plentiful,
second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to
them, third
there are some things even a rat won't do, and fourth
sometimes it
very hard to extrapolate our test results to human beings."
- » Q: How many drummers does it take
to change
a lightbulb?
A: None. They have a machine that does that now.
- » Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto
the
pitch ?
He was the skipper !
- » An American, a
Jew and a Canadian were in a
terrible car accident. They were all
brought to the same emergency
room, but all three of them died before they
arrived. Just as they
were about to put the toe tag on the American, he
stirred and
opened his eyes.
Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him
what happened.
"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash,
and then there was
a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the
Jew and I were
standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter
approached us and said that we were
all too young to die, and that for a
donation of $50, we could return
to the earth. So, of course, I pulled
out my wallet and gave him the
$50, and the next thing I knew I was
back here."
"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But
what happened to
the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied
the American, "the Jew was haggling over
the price and the
Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for
his!"
- » Which insect didn't play well in goal?
The
fumble bee!
- » Why is it that at class reunions you
feel younger than everyone else looks?
- » A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several
weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every
summer, he would invite one friend or another to stay with him there
for a
week or two.
One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian
friend to visit him. The
friend, happy to get anything free from a
lawyer, eagerly agreed. When the
time came, they spent a wonderful
time, getting up early every morning
and enjoying the great
outdoors.
One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were
picking
raspberries and blueberries for their breakfast, they were
approached
by two huge bears--a male and a female.
The
lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however,
was
not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him
whole.
Seeing this, the lawyer ran back to his Mercedes and raced for the
nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his hig
h-powered
rifle and raced back to the berry area with the lawyer.
All the while,
he was plagued by visions of lawsuit from his
friend's family. He just
had to save his friend.
Luckily, the
bears were still there. "He's in THAT one!" cried the
lawyer,
pointing to the male.
The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun,
took careful aim, and
shot the female.
"What did you do that
for?!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in
the other
bear!"
"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would you believe a lawyer who
told
you that the Czech was in the male?"
- » Q: What did one math book say to the
other?
A: Man I got a lot of problems!