Treść
Did you hear about the
vampire who had an
eye for the ladies?
He used to keep it in his back pocket.
Losowe wpisy
- » Ben's dad was building a pine bookshelf and
Ben was watching and occasionally helping. ' What are the holes
for ?'
Ben asked.
'They're knot holes,' said his
dad.
'What are they, then, if they're not holes ?' asked Ben.
- » The
mother of a problem child was
advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far
too upset and worried about
your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers
regularly."
On her
next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers
calmed
you down?"
"Yes," the boy's mother answered.
"And how is
your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother
replied.
- » What sort of animals make the best TV
presenters ?
Gnus - readers !
- » What animal always goes to bed
with its shoes
on ?
A horse !
- » A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man,
and a
lawyer were sitting on a train.
The Frenchman offered
everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out
the window, saying,
"Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I
come from."
The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of
the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I
come from."
Then the American threw the lawyer out the
window, saying...
- » Which operetta make the Gorilla
crack
up?
Nutty Marietta!
- » Who is the Easter Bunny's favourite movie
actor?
Rabbit De Niro!
- » Q:
What has dual airbags and has lots of
room?
A: The White House.
- » You can read
his mind in his face.
Yes,
it's usually a complete blank.
- » What is the most popular sport played by
raindrops and hail
stones?
-Diving
- » What do you get if you cross a skunk
and a dinosaur?
A stinkasaurus!
- » Waiter, waiter, there's a bee in my
soup.
Yes Sir, it's the fly's day off.
- » The
Rocky Mountains are very big and far
apart. It takes a long time for an
echo to bounce back off one of
these mountains.
One night, a camper in the Rockies went to sleep early.
But before
climbing into his sleeping bag he yelled, 'Time to get
up.'
And eight hours later the echo came back and woke him up!
- » A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in
dire
trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious
financial
trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.
He goes
into the synagogue and begins to pray
"God, please
help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some
money, I'm
going to lose my house as well, please let me win the
lotto".
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Jacob goes back
to the synagogue.
"God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost
my business, my house
and I'm going to lose my car as
well".
Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!!
Back to the
synagogue.
"My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my
business, my house,
my car and my wife and children are starving. I
don't often ask you
for help and I have always been a good servant to
you. Why won't you
just let me win the lotto this one time so
I can get my life back in
order???".
Suddenly there is a
blinding flash of light as the heavens open and
Jacob is confronted
by the voice of GOD himself:
"JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE,
BUY A DAMN TICKET"
- » What did one mosquito say to
another when
they came out of the cinema?
Fancy a bite?