Treść
Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch
today. .
Cook: There is.
Fred: No, there isn't. There's only
cheese pie.
Cook: You can choose to eat it or leave it.
Losowe wpisy
- » One night, this guy come
into a
bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for
another. After
a couple more drinks, the bartender gets
worried.
"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.
"My wife and I got into
a fight," explained the guy "and now she
isn't talking to me for a
whole 31 days."
The bartender thought about this for a while.
"But, isn't it a good
thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked
the bartender.
"Yeah, except today is the last night."
- » Teacher: What's the definition of a
Polygamist?
Pupil: A parrot with more than one wife!
- » Why are fried onions like a photocopy machine?
They keep repeating themselves.
- » A Congressman was once asked
about his attitude toward whiskey. "If
you mean the demon drink
that poisons the mind, pollutes the body,
desecrates family life, and
inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the
elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against
winter chill, the taxable
potion that puts needed funds into public coffers
to comfort little
crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my
position, and I
will not compromise."
- » A whole family was caught in
a small boat
during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed
to
safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard.
"I
always knew God would take care of us," said the composed five
year
old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home.
"I like
to hear you say that," beamed the mother. "Always remember
that God
is in His heaven watching over us."
"Oh, I wasn't talking
about THAT God," the five year old
interrupted. "I was talking about
the COAST God."
- » What's another
word for a murderer who
kills old ladies?
A Killergran.
- » Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I
didn't know where the
Rockies were.
Mother: Well next time
remember where you put things!
- » A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets
to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few
questions.
"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".
"OK," the man says. "Why
did you make women so pretty?"
GOD says, "So you would like them."
"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"
"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.
The man ponders
a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them
such airheads?"
GOD says, "So they would love you!"
- » My therapist told me the way to achieve
true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I
have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel
better already.
- » Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking
I'm a nit
Will you get out of my hair !
- » Policeman: Did you
know your vehicle was
reported stolen?
Criminal: It wasn't when I took it.
- » Doctor, Doctor I've broke my
arm
in two places
Well don't go back there again then!
- » Waiter,
there is a fly in my soup !
Yes
sir, thats the manager, the last customer was a witch doctor
!
- » A man is in a bar having a
drink. The guy next to him falls off of his barstool. The man picks
up
the guy and sits him back on the barstool, and he falls off
again. This
time he picks the guy up and asks, ''Where do you
live?''
Being a kind soul, the man takes the guy to his car, puts
him in the
back seat, and drives him home. When they get to the
guy's house, the
man helps the guy out of the car, but he falls down 3
times before
getting to the front door. The man rings the doorbell
and the guy's wife
comes to the door. The man says, ''Hello,
I've brought your husband
home.''
The wife looks at the man
and asks, ''Where's his wheel
chair?''
- » Patient: "It must be
tough spending all
day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it
as having my hands in their
wallet."