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When does a horse neigh?
Whinny wants to!
Losowe wpisy
- » "You and your husband
don't seem to have
an awful lot in
common," said the new tenant's neighbor. "Why on
earth
did you get married?"
"I suppose it was the old business
of 'opposites attract',"
was the reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I
was."
- » Where did the pilgrims land when they came to
America?
On their feet!
- » "Honey," said this
husband to his wife,
"I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The
house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all
the dishes are dirty,
and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because
the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
- » It's for my mother-in-law," explained the
mourner at
the funeral procession. Tightening the leash, he gestured
down at the
dog and said, "My Doberman here killed
her."
"Gee...That's terrible," commiserated the spectator. "But...
Hmmmm...
Is there anyway you might lend me your dog for a day or so?"
The
bereaved son-in-law pointed his thumb over his shoulder and
answered, "Get in line."
- » Paul says to Jesus, "Hey man, whatcha doing
for Passover?"
Jesus says, "Just hanging around."
- » Monster: Where do fleas go in
winter?
Werewolf: Search me!
- » There was an inebriated driver who was
pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell
out.
"YOU'RE DRUNK!" exclaimed the police
officer.
"Thank God for that!" said the drunk, "I thought the steering had
gone."
- » Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for
four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his
bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep.
Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day
he stops
seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something
different.
A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his
old client in
the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking
well-rested,
energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's
amazing! I'm cured!"
"That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you
seem to be doing
much better. How?"
"I went to see another
doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he
cured me in just ONE
session!"
"One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.
"Yeah,"
continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist."
"A behaviorist?" the
psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one
session?"
"Oh,
easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my
bed."
- » Helpline? I've just pushed a
piece of
bacon into my disk drive!
Has the computer stopped working?
No, but
there's a lot of crackling.
- » What is the hamburgers' motto?
If at first
you don't succeed, fry, fry again!
- » What is a ghost's favorite Wild West
town?
Tombstone.
- » Why did Silly Sue throw her guitar away
?
Because it had a hole in the middle.
- » Who are the hamburgers favourite
people?
Vegetarians!
- » When they arrived at the therapist's
office, the
therapist jumped right in and opened the floor for
discussion. "What seems
to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held
his long face down
without anything to say. On the other hand, the
wife began talking 90
miles and hour describing all the wrongs
within their marriage.
After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening
to the wife, the therapist
went over to her, picked her up by her
shoulders, kissed her
passionately for several minutes, and sat her
back down. Afterwards, the wife sat
there - speechless.
He
looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had
happened. The therapist spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at
least twice a week!"
The husband scratched his head and
replied, "I can have her here on
Tuesdays and Thursdays."
- » Why did the young witch have
such
difficulty writing letters?
She had never learned to spell properly.