Treść
Why is it that at class reunions
you feel younger than everyone else looks?
Losowe wpisy
- » A grandmother was telling her
little
granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate
outside
on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in
our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the
woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she
said, "I
sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
- » A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about
to tee
off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells,
"Wait!
Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show
you!"
The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"
"It's a
special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose
it!"
"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What
if
you hit it into the water?"
"No problem," says the
salesman. "It floats, and it detects where
the shore is, and spins
towards it."
"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"
"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can
find
it with your eyes closed."
"Okay," says the golfer, impressed.
"But what if your round goes
late and it gets dark?"
"No
problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you,
you
can never lose this golf ball!"
The golfer buys it at once
. "Just one question," he says to the
salesman. "Where did you get
it?"
"Ummm, I found it."
- » Waiter, waiter! What's this creepy crawly
thing doing in my dinner?
Oh, that one ? he comes here every
night.
- » Teacher: Frd, give me a sentence starting with
"I."
Fred: I is . . .
Teacher: No, Fred. You must always
say "I am."
Fred: Oh, right. I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet.
- » Which flavor ice cream is Dracula's favorite?
Vein-illa.
- » Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to
unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is
down!
- » Q: What does a
screen door and a blonde have
in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
- » Q: How many Cancerians does
it take to
change a lightbulb? A: Just one, and they'll use a
non-disposable
diaper too!
- » How did the footbal pitch end up as
triangle?
Somebody took a corner!
- » The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant
recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket
approached him. "Hey, man," he said, "where's the toilet?"
"Go
down the hall and turn left, "replied the headwaiter. "When you
see
the sign marked 'Gentlemen; pay no attention to it and go right on
in."
- » If King Kong came to England why would he
live in the Tower of London?
Because he's a beef-eater.
- » Personally, I like
to stay and read
the credits. When the last scene of Titanic faded to
black and
people began rushing for the exits, I shouted: "Quick! There
are only
enough cars in the parking lot for half of us!"
- » Did you hear about the pigs
who took up
motorcycling?
They wanted to catch bugs with their teeth.
- » Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking
I'm a frog
What's wrong with that
I think I'm going to croak
- » Want to buy a pocket computer?
No, thanks,
I already know how many pockets I've got.