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What do monkeys sing at Christmas
?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. !
Losowe wpisy
- » A market researcher called at a house and his
knock
was answered by a young woman with three small
children
running around her. He asked her if she minded
replying to his
questions and she agreed.
He asked her if she knew his
company,Cheeseborough-Ponds.
When she said no, he mentioned that among their many
products was
Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product. When
asked if
she used it, the answer was "Yes." Asked how she used
it,
she said, "To assist sexual intercourse." The interviewer
was amazed.
He said, "I always ask that question because
everyone uses our
product and they always say they use
it for the child's bicycle chain,
or the gate hinge; but
I know that most use it for sexual
intercourse. Since you've
been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you
use
it?"
"Yes, we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out."
- » John & Jessica were on their
way
home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the
police. The
officer told John that he was stopped because his tail
light was burned
out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't
realize it was
out, I'll get it fixed right away."
Just then
Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two
days
ago to get that light fixed."
So the officer asked for John's
license and after looking at it said,
"Sir your license has expired."
And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize
that it
had expired and would take care of it first thing in the
morning.
Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent
you a letter
telling you that your license had expired."
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him
in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice,
"Jessica,
will you shut up!"
The officer then leaned over
toward Jessica and asked. "Does your
husband always talk to you
like that?"
Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."
- » What salesman has the slickest line?
A
hair grease salesman.
- » While the pope was
visiting the USA, he
told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge
to drive. The
driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream
of
questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel,
while his
driver got in the back.
They were traveling down the road doing
between 70 and 80 mph, when a
policeman happened to see them. As he
pulled them over, he called in to
headquarters reporting a speeding
limo, with a VIP inside it.
The chief asked: "Who is in the limo,
the mayor?"
The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than
the mayor."
Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"
The
policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the
governor."
The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"
The policeman
answered: "No, someone even more important than the
President."
This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is m
ore
important than the President?!"
The policeman calmly
wispered: "I'll put it to you this way chief. I
don't know who is this
guy, but he has the pope as his
chauffeur."
- » Boy: What's the biggest ant in the
world?
Girl: My Aunt
Boy: No, it's an elephant.
Girl: You
obviously haven't met my Aunt
- » What's black, hairy, and writes
under
water?
A ball-point gorilla!
- » Q. What has
seventy-five balls and screws
old ladies?
A. Bingo!
- » Why did the skunk buy four boxes of
tissues?
Because he had a stinking cold!
- » Whats the definition of love,
true love, and
showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
- » Optimist: A college student who opens his
wallet
and expects to find money.
- » Did you hear about the flag's birthday?
It was a Happy one!
- » How do really posh dogs send messages?
By
predigree-mail.
- » The drunk was
floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into
a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"
"A
mongoose."
"What for?"
"Well, you know how drunk I can get.
When I get drunk I see snakes,
and I'm scared to death of snakes.
That's why I got this mongoose, for
protection."
"But,"
the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."
"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of
the
box, "So is the mongoose."
- » How can you tell if an elephant's been to
your
birthday party?
Look for his footprints in the ice cream.
- » A
Skeleton walks into a
bar, asks for a beer... and a mop.