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Srodek
Internet jokes
You need to log on to the window repair website! I did - but it gave me a pane!
Podobne wpisy
Political jokes - An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes. The first passenger says, "I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died." So he takes the first parachute and jumps. The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says, "I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President". She takes one of the parachutes and jumps. The third passenger, George W. Bush, says, "I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die." So he takes a parachute and jumps. The fourth passenger, th e Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy, "I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute". The boy replies "No problem your Pope-ness, there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag."
Face jokes - Why did the pig have ink all over his face? Because it came out of the pen.
Horse jokes - When does a horse neigh? Whinny wants to!
Ghost jokes - What is a ghost boxer called? A phantomweight.
Marriage jokes - "And how's yer wife, Pat?" "Sure, she do be awful sick." "Is ut dangerous she is?" "No, she's too weak t' be dangerous anymore!"
Witch jokes - What has handles and flies? A witch in a garbage can.
Burger jokes - Can a hamburger marry a hot dog? Only if they have a very frank relationship!
Farmer jokes - How does a farmer send messages? By e-i-e-i-o-mail.
Christmas jokes - Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
Waiter jokes - "Waiter!" shouted the furious diner, "How dare you serve me this! There's a damn TWIG in my soup!" "My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the branch manager."
Pig jokes - Why didn't the Blonic Pig get a TV series of his own? He made the mistake of going to a barbecue with the Bionic Man and the Blonic Woman.
Dog jokes - I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd.
Religious jokes - A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off. The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to make an example of him. He says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand." The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man. Then the preacher says even more loudly, "And he who would like to find a place in hell please STAND UP!" The weary man catching only the last part groggily stands up, only to find that he's the only one standing. Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it!"
Military jokes - An Army Ranger was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However, he was not prepared to pay the high prices. After failing to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, he ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes, man, I'll go and kill my own!" The shopkeeper replied, "By all means. Just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same. "So the Ranger went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. "They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow him, the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw nthe gator onto its back, whereupon one exclaimed "Damn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
Beauty jokes - First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity? Second girl: No, it's imagination.
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