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Got this email from a friend:
CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?
Losowe wpisy
- » During a funeral for a woman
who had
henpecked her husband, drove her
kids half nuts, scrapped with the
neighbors at the slightest
opportunity, and even made neurotics of their cat
and dog with her
explosive temper. As the casket was lowered into
the grave, a violent
thunderstorm broke,
and the pastor's
benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of
lightning, followed by
terrific thunder.
"Well, at least we know she got there all right,"
commented her
husband
- » What's another name for an assistant stable
cleaner?
A co-pile-it!
- » What is the best thing to take when
you're run over?
The number of the car that hit you.
- » How many Wake Forest
fraternity brothers
does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
Seventeen. One to do it
and sixteen to shell the M&M's.
- » CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig cooler?
WAITER: Sure, spray him with a hose.
- » What's the difference between a sigh, a car and
a monkey? A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you,
dear.
- » A mother and her child were at a wedding.
A little boy looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl
wear
white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white
because she's happy and this
is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy
wearing black?"
- » What did the stamp say to the
envelope?
"I've become attached to you."
- » Teacher: What is Ba + Na2?
Pupil:
Banana.
- » A man comes home from work one night to catch
his blonde
girlfriend sliding down the banister naked. He blurts out,
"What do you
think you're doing?" "Just heating up dinner" she
replies.
- » A man who smelled like a
distillery flopped on a subway seat
next to a priest. The man's tie
was stained, his face was plastered with
red lipstick, and a half
empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his
torn coat pocket. He
opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few
minutes, the
disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say,
father, what causes
arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women,
too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow
man."
"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his
paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man
and
apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so
strong. How long
did you have arthritis?"
"I don't have it
father. I was just reading here that the Pope
does."
- » Who writes all his plays on the
Internet?
Will-e. Shakespeare.
- » Q: Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called
positively
atheist?
A: Because it hasn't got a prayer.
- » "Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days
she asked us how much
is two and two. We told her it was four. But
she still doesn't know.
Today she asked us again!"
- » Waiter, there is a
fly in my soup!
Sorry
sir, maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.