Treść
My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion.
Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.
Losowe wpisy
- » Q: "How many members of the coalition does it
take to screw in a light bulb?"
A: "We are not prepared to
comment on specific numbers at this
time."
- » Witch: Why have you stopped playing cards
with my sister ?
Wizard: Well would you play with someone who cheats
all the time, is a
poor loser and keeps tearing up the cards
?
Witch: No I wouldn't.
Wizard: No, well nor will she.
- » When are Pomeranians good at taking photographs?
Only when they snap at something!
- » Winning the Lottery
by Jack Potts
- » Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing
double.
Please sit on the couch.
Which one!
- » Q: Why do they say 'Amen' at
the end
of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'?
A: The same reason they sing
Hymns instead of Hers!
- » What did the baby owl's parents say when he
wanted
to go to a party?
You're not owld enough.
- » What does Dracula say when you tell him a new
fact?
Well, fangcy that!
- » Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who
is
appalled by American driving
habits, offers the following
advice:
The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is
directly
proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast
decreases one's
exposure.
One third of traffic accidents are caused
by drunk drivers; two thirds
are caused by non-drunk
drivers.
Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.
- » A New York City yuppie moved to the
country
and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and
livestock
store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up
chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.
"That's a
lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean
business," the
city slicker replied.
A week later the yuppie was back again. "I
need another 100 chicks,"
he said. "Boy, you are serious about this
chicken farming," the man
told him.
"Yeah," the yuppie
replied. "If I can iron out a few problems."
"Problems?" asked the
proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I
think I planted that last
batch too close together."
- » Did you hear about the Oklahoma
idiot who married an American Indian? They had a baby and wanted to name
it to reflect both races.
So they called it Running Dummy.
- » Q: What did the blonde say
during a
porno?
A: "There I am!"
- » After shopping for most of the day, a couple
returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police
station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to
the
parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of
the crime.
To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two
tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking
your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your
ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the
inconvenience. Here
are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks,
the
country-and-western music star."
Their faith in humanity
restored, the couple attend the concert and
return home late. They
find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods
have been taken
from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And,
there is
a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I
have
to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"
- » People who love
sausage and respect the law
should never watch either being made.
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bat
!
Bat who ?
Bat you'll never guess!