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What's big and hairy and goes 'beep beep'? A monster in a traffic jam.

Losowe wpisy

» 'I hope you're not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock,' said the principal to a new boy. 'No, Sir. I've got a digital watch that bleeps at three-fifteen.'
» A survey was being taken on the University of Arizona campus. The survey taker asked a soccer player, "What do you think of bilingualism?" "Oh, I think it's okay," said the boy, "if it's between consenting adults."
» Student: "Would it be possible to install Arabic language support on those computers?" Computer Teacher: "In order to use Arabic language in Windows, you must install an Arabic graphic card. So I don't think we could do that."
» A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?" "No" her mother replied. "Well, I think I have to throw up!" "Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" her mother asked. "Yes" the little girl replied. "Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?" "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
» Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny's mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. "First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse", she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. "O.K., now take off my skirt", and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra", which he does. "And now, Johnny, please take off my panties". Johnny finishes removing these too. His mother then says, "Johnny, please don't wear any of my clothes to school anymore!"
» Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by you again?
» What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? "Just flush it like everybody else does."
» A punk walked into a barber's shop and sat in an empty chair. "Haircut, sir?" asked the barber. "No, just change the oil, please!"
» On what should you mount a statue of your cat ? A caterpillar !
» How do writers send e-mail? On the Inkernet.
» How many judges does it take to change a light bulb? Just one; he holds it still and the whole world revolves around him. Just one, but two lawyers have to explain him how to do it.
» A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream cover with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts. 'Would you like a cherry on the top ?' asked the waitress. 'No, thanks,' said the girl, 'I'm on a diet !'
» Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Ole replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. He turned to Lena, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?" Lena replied, "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the damned garage today."
» Knock Knock Who's there ! Cole ! Cole who ? Cole as a cucumber !
» Brian was dating Lorraine and they were very close. While they were dating he met another woman named Clearly and wanted to start dating her but felt that he should be faithful to Lorraine. So he continued to date Lorraine. One day Brian took Lorraine on a walk in the woods by the river. As they were walking near the river Lorraine fell in and was washed away. Brian softly sang, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine has gone..."