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What does the aardvark take sailing? An aard ark!

Losowe wpisy

» Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said,' Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.' Bill wasn't impressed, ' Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father's the one who killed it !
» The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you." "Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone."
» Why did the blonde call the welfare office? She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
» Q: Where do people who say "shoot" and "darn" go to? A: Heck
» Garvin the mammalogist, was in Alaska studying polar bear. In sub-zero weather, he would spend 7 days out on the ice. But, after his 7 days in the field, he would return to the small town and spend a day or two resting up and drinking in the only bar in town. On one particular day it was 40 below zero and Garvin made his way into the bar. He asked Bud, the bartender, for a whiskey. "I don't know, Garvin, you sure have run-up a big bill in here." The bartender told him. " I know," Garvin replied, "But I'm flat broke, and I sure could use a drink. "OK," The barkeep told him, "I'll just write your tab down on the piece of paper and pin it up here by the coat rack." "Oh no, don't do that, I don't want everyone in town to see it. "Don't worry," The bartender replied, "I'm going to cover it up with your parka until its paid!"
» What animals are poor dancers? Four-legged ones, because they have two left feet.
» How do angels greet each other? They say, Halo.
» Teacher: What are the four elements? Pupil: Fire, Earth, Water and the Internet. Teacher: What do you mean the Internet? Pupil: Well, Mum says that whenever I'm on the Net, I'm in my element.
» Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man? A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?
» A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
» One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. So me passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"
» Do vampires get AIDS?
» Making the Least of Life by Minnie Mumm
» What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.
» The kids are crazy about a new piglet toy. When they wind it up, it eats all the spinach off their plates.