Treść
What do you call an aardvark that's just lost
a
fight?
A vark!
Losowe wpisy
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bruno
!
Bruno who ?
Bruno more tea for me !
- » Q: Did you hear about the blonde that got
pregnant for the second time?
A: She asked her husband if they
needed to get married again.
- » What game do reindeer play in their
stalls?
Stable-tennis!
- » This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a
state policeman pulls him over.
"You got any I.D.?" the
patrolman asked."
"'Bout what?" the hillbilly replied.
- » Personnel Director: What would you do
if you broke your arm in two places?
Vanderkron: I wouldn't go
to these places no more!
- » Did you ever see a country boy in New
York whistle for a cab? He puts two fingers in his mouth and hollers,
"Taxi!"
- » Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat?
So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.
- » A famous art collector is walking through the
city
when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the
doorway of
a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that
the saucer is
extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually
into the store and
offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The
storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The
collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to
catch
mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner
says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey,
for the twenty bucks I wonder if you
could throw in that old saucer.
The cat's used to it and it'll save me
from having to get a
dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So
far
this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
- » A student was heading home for the holidays.
When she got to
the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New
York. As she gave
the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd
like you to send my
green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase
to London."
The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do
that."
"Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because
that's
exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"
- » A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get
to
his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head
table, he
suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false
teeth.
Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth."
The
man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and
pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.
The
speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.
The man then said, "I have
another pair...try these."
The speaker tried them and responded,
"Too tight."
The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I
have one more paid
of false teeth...try them."
The speaker
said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and
gave his
address.
After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over
to thank the
man who had helped him.
"I want to thank you
for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've
been looking
for a good dentist."
The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm
the local undertaker."
- » How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest
in a group?
Look for gray hares.
- » A man walks into a bar and
has a couple of beers. Once
he is donem the bartender tells him he
owes $9.00.
"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.
"Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did."
The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that
the
bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.
The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls
the same
stunt.
The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid,
I'll take your word for
it."
Soon the customer goes into the
street, sees an old friend, and tells
him how to get free drinks.
The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls
when,
suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, "You know, a funny
thing
happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither
paid and both
claimed that they did. The next guy who tries
that is going to get
punched right in the nose."
"Don't
bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds.
"Just
give me my change and I'll be on my way."
- » Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in
Atlantis?
Because it is below C level.
- » Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a
lightbulb? A: Virgos don't have time to change their own lightbulbs.
They're too busy changing them for everyone else.
- » What happens when geese land in a volcano ?
They cook their own gooses !