
Treść
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from
Bingo to
find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she
became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of
their
apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the
court on
charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything
to say to
defend herself.
"Well, Your Honor," she replied coolly. "I figured
that at 92, if
he could make love to another woman, he could fly!"
Losowe wpisy
- » Three weeks after her wedding
day,
Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I
had
a DREADFUL fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's
not half as bad as
you think it is. Every marriage has to have its
first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what am I going
to do with the
BODY?"
- » If a cat won an Oscar, what would he get?
An
a-cat-emy award.
- » A college student in a philosophy class was
taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single
line which simply said: "Is this a
question?" - Discuss.
After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an
answer."
The student received an "A" on the exam.
A
Boston brokerage house advertised for a "young Harvard graduate or
the
equivalent."
Among the inquiries received was one from a Yale
grad. He said, "Do
you mean two Princeton men, or a Yale man part
time?"
- » Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to
kill
himself by
.swallowing 100 pain killers?
A: After two he
began to feel better.
- » Q: What is the definition of gross
ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
- » What did the great Ape say as he plummeted
from the
skyscraper?
Listen baby, I think I'm falling for you!
- » What do you call a man with a kilt over his
head ?
Scott !
- » Karen: Have you noticed
that Daddy
is getting taller ?
Sharon: No, why ?
Karen: His head is sticking
through his hair.
- » Q: Did you hear about the drummer who locked his
keys in his car?
A: It took him four hours to get the bass
player out.
- » A neighbor of
mine was bit by a stray rabid
dog. I went to see how he was and found him
writing furiously. I told
him rabies could be cured and he didn't have
to worry about a
will. He said, "Will, what will? I'm making a list
of people I'm
gonna bite."
- » If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a
Windows box crashed...
Oh, wait a minute, he already does.
- » There's this guy who had been lost and
walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home
of a
missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and
collapses on
the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back
to health.
Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for
directions to the
nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this
horse. He goes back
into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I
borrow your horse and
give it back when I reach the town?"
The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this
horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make
it
stop."
Not paying much attetion, the man says, "Sure,
ok."
So he gets on the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse
starts
walking. Then he says, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse
starts
trotting. Feeling really brave, the man says, "Thank
God, thank God,
thank God, thank God, thank God" and the horse
just takes off. Pretty soon
he sees this cliff coming up and he's
doing everything he can to make
the horse stop.
"Whoa, stop,
hold on!!!!"
Finally he remembers, "Amen!!"
The horse
stops 4 inches from the cliff. Then the man leans back in the
saddle
and says, "Thank God."
- » Did you know that
heaven and hell
are actually right next to each other? They are seperated
by a big
chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and
it
got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find
his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil
over and said "Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence." Satan
agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely
rebuilt the
fence...but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before.
"Satan!" beckoned God. "You have to take that fence down and
put it
back where it belongs!"
"Yeah? What if I don't?"
replied the devil.
"I'll sue you if I have to," answered
God.
"Sure," laughed Satan. "Where are you going to find a
lawyer?"
- » Why did the piglets get in trouble in their
stained glass class?
They stained it with mud.
- » What do you get if you cross
an abbot with
a trout ?
Monkfish !