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What do you call an aardvark good with a light saber? A darthvark!

Losowe wpisy

» After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
» Regardless of what you may hear, there's still many women these days who are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce, they keep the house.
» A drunk is refused a drink in a bar, so he undertakes to prove to the barman that he is sober. He gestures toward a cat near the doorway and says, "You see that cat coming in the door? It has two eyes. If I were drunk, I'd see four!" The bartender looks, then pauses a moment. Finally he responds, "You're drunker than I thought!", taking the rest of the alcohol away, "That cat isn't coming in, it's going out!"
» Son: Where are the Himalayas? Father: If you'd put things away, you'd know where to find them.
» What does it mean to come home to a man who'll give you some love and tenderness? You're in the wrong house.
» Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Two. One to replace it and one to tell him it was burned out (in states that still have car-inspection laws.) A: Three. One to stand on the ladder, and two to carry enough light bulbs until one is found that isn't defective. A: 250,000,000, one to change it and 249,999,999 to debate whether it it was politically correct.
» A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack. The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the sack?" The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there sack." The younger man asks, "If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?" The old man replies, "Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of 'em!"
» An airforce officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of attmittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two seabees harrassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentelman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this seabee to stand down. St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!
» "When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step." "If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."
» Q: What kind of neckwear does Hillary Clinton look best in? A: A noose.
» Why were ancient Egyptian children confused? Because their daddies were mummies.
» What is another way to describe a cat ? A heat seeking missile !
» A hound dog and a dalmation were sitting in an Internet cafe and the dalmation said to the hound, "Hey, check out my web site!" The hound asked for the address and the dalmation responded, "www.dalmation.dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot.
» A man walks into an auto parts store and says "I'd like a rear view mirror for my Yugo." The man behind the counter thinks about this for a while, then says "Yup, seems like a fair trade to me."
» During an army basic training, the lieutenant took the batch on a match and asked each of them where home was. After everyone had answered, he sneered and said "you are all wrong, the army is now your home". Back at the barracks, he read the evening duties, then asked the first sergeant if he had anything to say "you bet I do" the sergeant replied, "men, while you were gone today, I found beds improperly made, clothes not hanging correctly, shoes not shined and footlockers a mess. Where do you think you are? Home?