Treść
What do young ghosts
call their parents?
Deady and Mummy.
Losowe wpisy
- » A man took his Rottweiler to the
vet and said
to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do
for it?"
"Well," said the vet "let's have a look at him" The vet picks the
dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.
"Well,"
says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down."
"Just
because he's cross-eyed?" say's the man.
"No, because he's heavy,"
says the vet.
- » Recently, a distraught wife went to the local
police station, along with
her next-door neighbor, to report that
her husband was missing. The
policeman asked for a description of the
missing man.
The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot
4-inches, has dark eyes,
dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185
pounds, is soft-spoken, and
is good to the children."
The
next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches,
chubby,
bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife
replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
- » Waiter: I'm
sorry to keep you waiting.
Your soup will be ready soon.
Customer: What bait are you using?
- » Which of these jokes do the pigs like best?
The corniest ones.
- » Why did they arrest the musician?
He got
into treble.
- » Q: How can you identify a
computer that
has been in use at the Clinton White House?
A: There is White-out on
the screen.
- » An old man approaches the window of a cinema with
a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the
counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well,
my pet
chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We
can't
allow animals in the cinema." The man goes around the corner
and stuffs
the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window,
buys his
ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts
to get hot and
begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so
the chicken can stick
it's head out and watch the film. Seated
next to him is a woman. She
looks over at his lap and is horrified.
She elbows her friend Agnes and
whispers, "Agnes, this man over here
has just unzipped his trousers!"
Agnes whispers back, "Oh, don't
worry about it...you've seen one,
you've seen them all." Madge
says, "I KNOW...but this one's eating my
POPCORN!!"
- » First witch: My, hasn't your little
girl
grown ?
Second witch: Yes, she's certainly gruesome.
- » Q: How many 'Real Women' does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of
Real Men around to do
it.
- » Teacher: What are
the Great
Plains?
Pupil: 747, Concorde and F-16!
- » Waiter,
waiter! There's a wasp in my
dessert.
So that's where they go to in the winter.
- » There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Power
Ranger Barbie ...with karate-chop action; complete with the
ridiculous
outfit
- » Which baseball team is currently the favourite
with hamburger fans?
The Cincinnati Reds -because they're the
Big Bread Machine!
- » Q:
How many Canadians does it take to
change a lightbulb ?
A: Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study
committee to decide how
to solve the problem, one Francophone to
complain that I didn't
translate this joke into French, one Native
Canadian to protest that the
interests of Native Canadians have been
overlooked, one woman from the
National Action Committee On the Status
Of Women to say that women have been
underrepresented in the
process, one to go over the border to the
Niagara Falls Factory Outlet
Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it
on the way back, one
to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on
the whole procedure
so the government can afford it, one to buy a case
of Molson for
everybody to drink, and one to drop the puck.
- » What do you get if
you cross King Kong
with a budgie?
A messy cage.