Treść
"Can I go outside and watch the solar eclipse?"
asked Rupert.
"Okay," replied his father, "but don't stand too
close."
Losowe wpisy
- » Two
men were stopped by a TV newswoman
doing street
interviews about the upcoming presidential primary
election.
"I'm not voting for any of the candidates," the first man
said. "I
don't know any of them."
"I feel the same way," the
second man said. "Only I know
them all."
- » A
scoutmaster asked one of his troop what
good deed he had done for the day.
"Well, Skip," said the scout, "Mum
had only one dose of castor oil
left, so I let my baby brother have
it."
- » Why did the Aggie think the weatherman got the
sunny forecast wrong?
-The Aggie drove through a car
wash
- » The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once
a woman began screaming. "You've got to help me! There's a giant
gray thing in my yard, and it's pulling apples off the tree with
its
tail!" "What's he doing with the apples?" the sergeant asked.
"If I
told you," the woman cried, "you wouldn't believe me!"
- » A rapist, a gangster and a murderer are in
the
same car...
Who is driving the car?
A police officer!
- » Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A:
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
- » What did the baby elephant get when
the
daddy elephant sneezed ?
Out of the way !
- » Before performing a baptism, the priest
approached the
young father and
said solemnly, "Baptism is a
serious step. Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied. "My
wife has made appetizers and we
have a
caterer coming to
provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our
guests."
"I don't
mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you
prepared
spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a
case of
whiskey."
- » Why did the updraft get pulled
over?
-It was speeding in a high shear zone
- » A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill
Gates, the
Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together
traveling through stormy conditions.
Suddenly, the pilot came running
back to the passengers and announced
that lightning had hit the
plane, and they were going to crash in a
matter of minutes. "There are
only enough parachutes for four of the five
of us," he announced.
"Since I'm the pilot, I get one!" After
saying this, the pilot
grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
"I'm the world's
greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon.
"This world needs
great athletes, so I must live." Michael Jordon then
grabbed a
parachute and leaped out of the plane.
"I'm the smarest man in the
world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world
needs smart men, so I must also
live!" Bill Gates grabbed a parachute
and jumped out of the
plane.
At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long
life
compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will
go down with
the plane."
"You don't have to stay here! The
world's smartest man jumped out of
the plane with my backpack."
- » A doctor and his wife were having a
big
argument at breakfast.
"You aren't so good in bed either!" he
shouted and stormed off to
work.
By midmorning, he decided he'd
better make amends and phoned home.
After many rings, his wife
picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in
bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second
opinion."
- » What do you call a group of cars ?
A
clutch !
- » What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak ?
Morse toad !
- » A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship
landing in
front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and
started to pump
gas into it. The woman noticed the letters
''U.F.O.'' printed on
the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and
asked ''Does U.F.O.
stand for Unidentified Flying Object?''
The alien answered, ''No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only!''
- » Why did the boxer date the pretty girl? Because
she was a knockout!