Treść
If you are driving at the speed of light
and you turn on your
head-lights, what happens?
Losowe wpisy
- » Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so
beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man
says, "why
did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would
love you." "But God," the man says, "why
did you make her so
dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
- » What's more dangerous than being with a fool
?
Fooling with a bee !
- » Q: Why would it be
difficult to be a police
officer?
A: It would be tough to be an idiot all day long.
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Three swallows !
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bones
!
Bones who ?
Bones upon a time... !
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Because he footman turned into a mouse.
- » Did you hear about the lady whose house was
infested
with Easter eggs?
She had to call an eggs-terminator!
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- » Why do
hunters make the best lovers?
Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat
what they shoot.
- » Staring down from the bench to announce the
terms of the
divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and
said:
"I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month."
To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's
mighty
kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."
- » It was a few days before Christmas. The trip
went reasonably well,
and he was ready to go back home. The airport
on the other end had
turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers
blared annoying elevator
renditions of cherished Christmas carols.
Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being
slightly
tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. (Almost a
scrooge) Going to
check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had
become one suitcase
with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging
mistletoe. Not real
mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on
some of the rounder parts
and green paint on some of the flatter and
pointer parts, that could be
taken for mistletoe only in a very
Picasso sort of way.
With a considerable degree of irritation and
nowhere else to vent it,
he said to the attendant, "Even if we were
married, I would not want to
kiss you under such a ghastly mo
ckery of mistletoe."
"Sir, look more closely at where the
mistletoe is."
"Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale which
is the place
you'd have to step forward for a kiss."
"That's not why it's there."
"Ok, I give up. Why is it there?"
"It's there so you can kiss your luggage good-bye."
- » Q: Did you hear Chrysler is introducing a new
car to commemorate President Clinton's election?
A: It's gonna
be called the Dodge Drafter!
- » Dick and Bob
were on a hunting trip. At
nightfall, Dick complained, 'We've been
hunting all day. We've
shot at five deer - and not hit one!'
'OK. Let's miss two more and
then head back to camp,' said
Bob.
- » A famous professor of surgery
died
and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the
gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?' 'Yes,' the
professor ansvered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of
Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community
Hospital,
and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee
did not se it
so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.'
'Well,' said
the gatekeeper. 'That is a very minor sin. You may
enter.' 'Thank
you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor
ansvered. 'Im am not Saint
Peter,' said the gatekeeper. 'He is having
his lunchbreak. I am Saint
Lucas.'