
Treść
Three partners
in an accounting firm go
out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the
tax partner and the
senior partner. One of them sees a brass lamp lying
in the gutter.
Curious, they pick it up and give it a rub. Instantly, a
genie
appears.
"You know the deal," says the genie. "Three wishes. But
seeing there
are three of you, you can have one wish
each."
"Great," says the audit partner. "Take me to the Whitsunday Islands,
give me a blonde and an endless supply of XXXX and leave me there for
ever."
Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he
is gone.
"Now me," says the tax partner. "Take me to the Cook
Islands, give
me two blondes and an endless supply of offshore tax
schemes and leave
me there for ever."
Pouf! There is a flash
of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone.
The genie turns to the
senior partner. "And what do you want?"
"I want those two ba
ck in the office straight after lunch."
Losowe wpisy
- » A new arrival, about to enter
hospital, saw two white coated doctors
searching through the flower
beds.
"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No,"
replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant
for an
income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."
- » A technician received a call from a man
complaining that the
system wouldn't read word processing files from his
old diskettes. After
trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed
to diagnose the problem,
it was found that the customer labeled the
diskettes then rolled them
into his typewriter to type the
labels.
- » Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit's new baby? She
thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor
because
it was a horrible yeller.
- » One day a guy was driving with his
4-year-old daughter
and beeped his car horn by mistake.
She turned and
looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by
accident."
She replied, "I know that, daddy."
He replied, "How'd you
know?"
The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'ASSHOLE!'
afterwards!"
- » Did you hear about the horse that has made a
dozen films?
He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
- » How many judges does it take to
change a
light bulb?
Just one; he holds it still and the whole world revolves
around him.
Just one, but two lawyers have to explain him how to do
it.
- » Yo mama hair so short when she braided it
they looked like stiches.
- » You mama's so skinny ....she can hang glide
with a dorito!
- » There is a new
Barbie doll on the
market - Werewolf Barbie ...normal doll, except under
a full moon
- » An
old mountain man in Arkansas was sick
and bedridden. He had not been
outdoors for a few weeks and had a
sharp craving for a meal of wild
squirrel. He summoned his
half-idiot son into the room and instructed him to
go squirrel hunting and
bring him back a squirrel or two. He also told
his son to be very
careful not to shoot the squirrel in the head as he
would need its
brains later to "tan" the squirrel's pelt. (Tanning a
skin using the
animal's brains is a common practice in certain areas,
it
generally takes about one brain to tan one skin).
The idiot son spent
most of the day searching the woods for tree
squirrels, but was not
having any luck. Finally, high up in a sweet-gum tree,
he spotted a
squirrel's head sticking out from a hole. He remembered
his Pa's
admonitions to save the brains. After deciding he may not have
another chance, he shot it in the head, thus ruining the brains.
r
His sick Pa was upset, "I can't tan that skin without no brains!"
he
said, "Now what am I a gonna do?" Thinking quickly, he
remembered
that up on the river there were 3 fisheries biologists doing some
field
work.
"Well, we're only tanning one squirrel skin,
walk up the river and
shoot one of them dang fish biologists and
I'll use his brains to tan
the skin," he told the son. The son did as
he was told and soon returned
with the prize. As it turned out, the
brain wasn't large enough and
the boy was upset as he would have
to make another trip to harvest the
other two biologist's
brains.
"Look on the bright side, boy", the old man told him, "Two more
ought to be just enough. We'd have been in real trouble if they was
BOTANISTS!"
- » What is the difference between a fisherman
and a lazy student?
One baits his hook, the other hates his
book.
- » Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton
and
tells him, "Bill, I had a
wonderful dream last night. I could see
America, the whole beautiful
country, and on each house I saw a
banner."
"What did it say on the banners?" Clinton asks.
Saddam
replies, "Allah is god, god is Allah."
Clinton says, "You know,
Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last
night
I had a
similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more
beautiful than
ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house
flew an
enormous banner."
"What could you see on the banners?" Saddam
asks.
Clinton replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."
- » How many psychologists does
it take
to change a light bulb?
None. The light bulb will change itself when
it's ready.
- » Q: Why do men have a hole in their penis?
A:
So they can think with an open mind.
- » How far do burgers go in school?
Through
cowlege (then they get their 450 degrees!).