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Srodek
Various animal jokes

A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" the man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"
Podobne wpisy
Time jokes - While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" the friend asked. "Watch," the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It's two AM!"
Elephant jokes - What goes up slowly and comes down quickly ? An elephant in a lift !
Dirty jokes - A guy walked into the doctor's surgery for an appointment. "Would you like to tell me your problem?" the pretty blonde receptionist asked. "I'll need the information for the doctor." "It's rather embarrassing" the guy stammered. "You see, I have a very large and almost constant erection." "Well, the doctor is very busy today" the receptionist cooed, "but maybe I can squeeze you in."
Knock Knock jokes - Knock Knock Who's there ! Alva ! Alva who ? Alva heart !
Dog jokes - What wears a black, white, and tan coat but has no hair? A bald beagle!
Bird jokes - How do you make a tame duck wild? Annoy it.
Aardvark jokes - How many aardvarks can ride on an elephant? Six... three on the back and three in the trunk!
Accountant jokes - Three partners in an accounting firm go out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the tax partner and the senior partner. One of them sees a brass lamp lying in the gutter. Curious, they pick it up and give it a rub. Instantly, a genie appears. "You know the deal," says the genie. "Three wishes. But seeing there are three of you, you can have one wish each." "Great," says the audit partner. "Take me to the Whitsunday Islands, give me a blonde and an endless supply of XXXX and leave me there for ever." Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone. "Now me," says the tax partner. "Take me to the Cook Islands, give me two blondes and an endless supply of offshore tax schemes and leave me there for ever." Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone. The genie turns to the senior partner. "And what do you want?" "I want those two ba ck in the office straight after lunch."
Food jokes - Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat? Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals! Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question? Johnny: It's because I saw one on daddy's lettuce, but now it's gone.
Telephone jokes - Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery. "What's the matter?" asked Moody. "Are you in trouble?" "No!" said Crumm. "What do you want, then?" "Nothing!" "Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night?" asked Moody. "Cause!" said the other redneck, "the rates is cheaper!"
Humor jokes - What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!
Biologist jokes - A couple of biologists had twins. One they called John and the other control.
Marriage jokes - A man was complaining to a friend. "I had it all. Money, a beautiful house, a BIG car, the love of a beautiful woman, then, POW! it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "My wife found out."
Mental health jokes - Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. Don't answer!
Military jokes - In the 1970's, before women were allowed to sign up for combat duty, a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a man and was able to join the army. "But, wait a minute," said one listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?" "Sure," replied the man. "Well, won't they find out?" asked his friend. The man shrugged and replied, "But who will tell?"
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