Treść
- » Boy: Dad, Dad, come out. My
sister's
fighting this ten foot gargoyle with three heads.
Dad: No, I'm not
coming out. She's going to have to learn to look
after herself.
- » Boy: Dad, dad, there's a spider in the bath.
Dad: What's wrong with that? You've seen spiders before.
Boy: Yes,
but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot
water!
- » Boy: Did you know you can get fur from a three
headed mountain monster?
Girl: Really? What kind of fur?
Boy: As fur away as possible!
- » Boy: Do you have fever?
Girl: No,
why?
Boy: Cause you look hot!!!!!
- » Boy: Grandma, do you know how to
croak.
Grandma: No, I don't think so. Why? Boy: Because Daddy says
he'll
be a rich man when you do.
- » Boy: What's black, slimy,
with hairy legs
and eyes on stalks?
Mom: Eat the cookies and don't worry about
what's in the tin.
- » Boy: What's the biggest ant in the
world?
Girl: My Aunt
Boy: No, it's an elephant.
Girl: You
obviously haven't met my Aunt
- » Boy: You've
got a face like a million
dollars.
Girl: Have I really?
Boy: Yes ? it's green and wrinkly.
- » BoyFriend: Why didn't you
give me
anything for my birthday?
GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.
- » Braxton and Hollis had jobs at a California
cotton mill. One
morning the foreman came along and found Braxton
reading a letter to his
coworker.
"Hey," cried the foreman,
"what kind a horseplay you two guys up
to?"
"Hollis got a
letter from his girlfriend," explained Braxton, "but
he can't read; so
Ah'm readin' the letter for him."
"How come you got the
cotton in your ears?"
"Hollis don't want me to hear what his
girlfriend writ to him!"
- » Brendan had spent a week
visiting his
family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old
nephew went
with him when he returned to the airport. After verifying his
seat
number with the counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his
relatives and stated that he'd have to wait an additional three hours in
the airport.
"How come?," his nephew asked.
"My plane
has been grounded," Brendan explained.
"Grounded?" the little boy
said. "I didn't know planes had
parents."
- » Brian was dating
Lorraine and they were very
close. While they were dating he met another
woman named Clearly and
wanted to start dating her but felt that he should
be faithful to
Lorraine. So he continued to date Lorraine. One day
Brian took
Lorraine on a walk in the woods by the river. As they were
walking near
the river Lorraine fell in and was washed away. Brian softly
sang,
"I can see Clearly now, Lorraine has gone..."
- » Brother: Did you put the cat out ? Sister: Why, is
it on
fire ?
- » Brother: How do you top a car
?
Sister: Tep on the brake, tupid.
- » Brother: What kind of sharks never eat women
?
Sister: Man-eating sharks.
- » Brother: Which is farther away-
NY City or the moon? Sister: NY City. Why do ask? Brother: Well, I can
see the moon, but I can't see NY City.
- » Bus passenger: I'd like a ticket to New York,
please.
Ticket seller: By Buffalo? Bus passenger: Of course not,
I'm in the
bus queue, aren't I?
- » But let's get real here guys, I mean who
exactly are we kidding
? A
husband controls his wife in much the
same manner as a barometer
controls the weather.
Losowe wpisy
- » Jackie stood quietly as her father
examined
her report card.
"What is this 45 in math?" asked her father.
"I
think that's the size of the class," she said quickly!
- » A young woman with a happy, cheerful voice was
working in her husband's trucking line office. She answered a phone
call from a trucker asking for directions to the terminal. After a
short
conversation, he said he could hardly wait to meet her. "I
just know
you are small, blond with blue eyes," he said. "No," young
woman
replied, "I'm tall, brunette and have brown eyes." "Close
enough!" said
the trucker.
- » Mum: Haven't you finished filling the salt
shaker yet ?
Son: Not yet. It's really hard to get the salt through
all those
little holes !
- » A student was heading home for the holidays.
When she got to
the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New
York. As she gave
the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd
like you to send my
green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase
to London."
The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do
that."
"Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because
that's
exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"
- » A young executive was leaving the office late
one evening, when he finds the CEO standing in front of a shredder
with
a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO,
"this is a very sensitive and important
document here, and my
secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this
thing work for me?"
"Certainly," the young executive says. He turns the machine on,
inserts the paper, and presses the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" says the CEO as his paper disappeared inside
the
machine. "I just need one copy."
- » What's the hardest part of milking a mouse ?
Getting it to fit over a bucket !
- » There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Manic-Depressive Barbie ...with a set of Oriental throwing
knives
- » Doctor, Doctor my
hair keeps falling
out, can you give me anything to keep it in ?
Yes, here is a paper
bag !
- » Does the Easter Bunny like baseball?
Oh,
yes. He's a rabbit fan!
- » Golfer: "Caddy, do you think my game is
improving?"
Caddy: "Oh yes, sir! You miss the ball much closer than you
used
to."
- » How does a baritone make phone calls?
Song distance!
- » 1st
Cannibal: I don't know what to make
of my boyfriend these days.
2nd Cannibal: How about a hotpot ?
- » What is your dog's favorite breakfast?
Pooched eggs!
- » What political party entices most
Gorillas?
The Treepublican Party!
- » "If there are any idiots in the room, will they
please stand up"
said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence,
one freshman rose to his
feet.
"Now then mister, why do you
consider yourself an idiot?" enquired
the teacher with a
sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you
standing up there all by yourself."