Losowe wpisy
- » Why is a crazy marmalade cat like
a biscuit
?
They are both ginger nuts !
- » Good news! I've been given a goldfish for my
birthday
. . .the bad news is that I don't get the bowl until
my next
birthday!
- » How did the basketball court get wet?
The
players dribbled all over it!
- » Q: What is the difference between a dog and a
viola?
A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.
- » A couple was having some
trouble, so they
did the right thing and went to a
marriage counselor. After a few
visits, and a lot of questioning and
listening, the counselor said that
he had discovered the main problem.
He stood up, went over to the
woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a
hug.
He looked at the
man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least
once
a
day!"
The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do
you want
me to bring her back tomorrow?"
- » A group of Americans was touring
Ireland. One of the women in
the group was a real curmudgeon,
constantly complaining. The
bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is
terrible. It's too hot. It's
too cold. The accommodations are
awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
"Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the
Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being
cleaned
today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we
can come back
tomorrow."
"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted.
"We
have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss
the stupid stone."
"Well now," the guide said, "it is said
that if you kiss someone
who has kissed the stone, you'll have the
same good fortune."
"And I suppose you've kissed the stone,"
the woman scoffed.
"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said,
"but I've sat on
it."
- » "Do you love me more than you love sleep?"
"I
can't answer now. It's time for my nap!"
- » Luke had it first, Paul had it
lost; boys
never had it; girls have it but once; Miss Polly had it
twice in
the same place, but when she married Peter Jones she never had it
again. What is it?
The letter L.
- » What would you call a nine day old dog in
Russia?
A puppy.
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Brighton
!
Brighton who ?
Brighton-der the light of the moon !
- » Q: What do you call a truckload
of
vibrators?
A: Toys for Twats.
- » What is old and ugly and can see just as well
from both ends ?
A witch with a blindfold !
- » A man leaves a bar,
gets into his car and
drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a
police officer.
Officer: "Good evening sir. We're testing drivers for drunken
driving. Would you please blow into this machine?".
Man: "I'm sorry,
I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that
machine I will
get out of air".
Officer: "Please come along to the office and we
can give you a blood
test".
Man: "I can't do that. I have anemia
and if you stick a needle in me
I will bleed to death".
Officer: "Then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this
white
line".
Man: "Can't do that either".
Officer: "Why not?". Man:
"Because I'm dead drunk".
- » Q:
How many Clinton administration
officials does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
A: Two--one to screw
the bulb into the water faucet while the other
tells us that
everything possible is being done to help the
situation.
- » Q: Why did the
IRS recently audit Bill
Clinton?
A: Because he filed as head of the household.