Treść
- » Did
you hear about the two peanuts walking in
the woods?
One was "a-salted."
- » Did the bionic
monster have a
brother ?
No, but he had lots of trans-sisters!
- » Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
Yes,
the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!
- » Did u know that a condom had a serial number?
No, I never
had to unroll one that far.
- » Did you
hear about Mike Tyson's horse?
It
got angry and bit at the champ!
- » Did you
hear about the boy who was known
as Fog ?
He was dense and wet !
- » Did you
hear about the sister who wrote
herself a letter and forgot to sign it
and when it arrived she didn't
know who it was from.
- » Did you
hear about the Texan who
moved to Oklahoma and raised the IQ level of
both states?
- » Did you
hear about the undertaker
who buried someone in the wrong place and was
sacked for the grave
mistake?
- » Did you
hear about the Western Kentucky
professor who kissed the door goodbye and
slammed his wife as he went
by?
- » Did you ever
blow bubbles as as child? Yeh,
well he's back in town and wants your new
number.
- » Did you ever see a country boy in New
York whistle for a cab? He puts two fingers in his mouth and hollers,
"Taxi!"
- » Did you find my horse well
behaved?
Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
- » Did you hear
about the blonde who after
watching the ballerinas, wondered why they
didn't get taller
girls?
- » Did you hear
about the boy who had
to do a project on trains?
He had to keep track of everything!
- » Did you hear
about the cannibal who
joined the police force?
He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
- » Did you hear
about the cannibals who
captured a scrawny old hunter?
It sure gave them something to chew
over.
- » Did you hear
about the dimwit who
was so dumb he thought Gatorade was welfare for
crocodiles?
- » Did you hear
about the fire in the rednecks
library? Both the books got burned, and one
hadn't even been
coloured in yet.
- » Did you hear
about the ghoul's favorite
hotel? It had running rot and mould in every
room.
- » Did you hear
about the hillbilly who
went into the hardware store to
buy a chain saw ?
He said I want
one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day.
He was back at the
hardware store with the saw a couple days later
complaining that it
only
cut one tree and that took all day.
The clerk at the hardware
store started the saw to see what the
problem was.
The hillbilly
jumped back and said what the hell is that
noise?
- » Did you hear
about the idiot who
made his chickens drink boiling water?
He thought they would lay hard
boiled eggs.
- » Did you hear
about the monster who had an
extra pair of hands?
Where did he keep them?
In a
handbag.mons
- » Did you hear
about the monster with five
legs?
His trousers fit him like a glove.
- » Did you hear
about the stupid
water-polo player?
His horse drowned . . .
- » Did you hear
about the witch who did a four
year course in ugliness?
She finished it in two.
- » Did you hear
about the witch who went in for
the lovely legs competition?
She was beaten by the microphone
stand.
- » Did you hear about
the auto mechanic
who went to a psychiatrist and insisted on laying
under the
couch?
- » Did you hear about
the blonde who was an
M.D.--Mentally Deficient?
- » Did you hear about
the Brooklyn
bubblebrain who was two hours late for work because the
escalator got
stuck?
- » Did you hear about
the girl who was
so keen on road safety that she always wore white at
night
?
Last Winter she was knocked down by a snow plough
- » Did you hear about
the horse with the
negative altitude?
He always said "Neigh"
- » Did you hear about
the man who named his
horse Radish?
- » Did you hear about
the stupid
woodworm?
He was found in a brick.
- » Did you hear about
the two females who were
watching a blonde walk by? The first one said,
"I wonder whether
she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde."
Her friend said,
"She's a suicide blonde."
The other said, "Suicide blonde?
What's that?"
The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"
- » Did you hear about Dracula's Christmas
party ?
It was a scream !
- » Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit's new baby? She
thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor
because
it was a horrible yeller.
- » Did you hear about that guy
who was
asked to be a Jehovah's witness?
- He refused becuase he hadn't
seen the accident.
- » Did you hear about the
Baton Rouge
bride who cancelled the wedding when she heard her friends
were
planning to give her a shower?
- » Did you hear about the
blonde who thought
nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
- » Did you hear about the
boy who was
told to do 100 lines?
He drew 100 cats on the paper.
He thought
the teacher had said lions.
- » Did you hear about the
cannibal who
commited suicide?
He got himself into a real stew.
- » Did you hear about the
ghost who enjoyed
doing housework?
He used to go round with the oooo-ver.
- » Did you hear about the
Iranian
terrorist who switched off the fans of his stolen helicopter
because he
couldn't stand the draft?
- » Did you hear about the
Louisiana Tech
professor who stood in front of a mirror for two hours,
wondering where
he'd seen himself before?
- » Did you hear about the
monster who lost
all his hair in the war?
He lost it in a hair raid.
- » Did you hear about the
vampire who had an
eye for the ladies?
He used to keep it in his back pocket.
- » Did you hear about the argumentative
skunk?
He always liked to make a stink!
- » Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?
He
was the last of his race!
- » Did you hear about the banker who was
recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter's
college
education?
As the policeman, who also had a daughter in
college, was leading him
away in handcuffs, he said to the banker,
"I have just one question for
you. Where were you going to get the
rest of the money?"
Losowe wpisy
- » My brother's a professional boxer.
Heavyweight ?
No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to death !
- » Why is a
Laundromat a really bad place to pick
up a woman?
- Because a woman who can't afford a washing
machine will probably
never be able to support you.
- » There was a dance teacher who talked of a very
old dance called the Politician. "All you have to do" she told her
class "is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then
side-step
side-step and turn around."
- » Q: What do you call Italian women
in a
sauna?
A: Gorillas In The Mist!
- » The cowboy
was trying to buy a health
insurance policy. The insurance agent was
going down the list of standard
questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a
one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't
never had one. Never."
"Well, you said on this form you were bit by
a snake once. Wouldn't
you consider that an
accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
- » How do you know when there is a snowman in
your bed ?
You wake up wet !
- » Yo mama middle name is Rambo.
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Cass
!
Cass who ?
Cass more flies with honey than vinegar !
- » Yo mama
so short she poses for
trophies!
- » Teacher:
Are you good at math ?
Pupil:
Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at
math !
- » Why can't the Philippines field an ice
hockey team? The players
all drowned in spring training.
- » It's for my mother-in-law," explained the
mourner at
the funeral procession. Tightening the leash, he gestured
down at the
dog and said, "My Doberman here killed
her."
"Gee...That's terrible," commiserated the spectator. "But...
Hmmmm...
Is there anyway you might lend me your dog for a day or so?"
The
bereaved son-in-law pointed his thumb over his shoulder and
answered, "Get in line."
- » QUESTION: What do you get from a bee
that
has an udder?
ANSWER: Milk and honey.
- » Policeman: Why were you
asleep at
the wheel?
Motorist: Your siren lulled me to sleep.
- » Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
yo-yo.
Are you stringing me along!