Losowe wpisy
- » Husband: What do you love most, my
natural beauty or my body?
Wife: Your sense of humor.
- » What do you get if you cross a ghost and a
newsreader ?
A spooksman !
- » One day there were
two boys playing by a
stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went
over to it and the
other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at
the bush so
long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The
two boys
were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a
sudden
the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't
understand
why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught
up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My
mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I
felt
something getting hard, so I ran."
- » What's
black and white, stinks and
hangs from a line?
A drip dry skunk.
- » Moody was
awakened by the telephone at
four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy,
Crumm, calling long
distance from Montgomery. "What's the matter?"
asked Moody. "Are you in
trouble?" "No!" said Crumm.
"What do you want, then?" "Nothing!"
"Then how come you are
calling me in the middle of the night?"
asked Moody. "Cause!" said the
other redneck, "the rates is
cheaper!"
- » A Software Engineer, a
Hardware Engineer and a Branch
Manager were on their way to a meeting.
They were driving down a
steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes
on their car failed. The
car careened almost out of control down the
road, bouncing off the
crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a
halt scraping
along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but
unhurt, now
had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a
car with
no brakes. What were they to do?
"I know," said the Branch
Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a
Vision, formulate a Mission
Statement, define some Goals, and by a
process of Continuous
Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems,
and we can be on our
way."
"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far
too long,
and besides, that method has never worked before. I
've got my Swiss
Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can
strip down the car's
braking system, isolate the fault, fix it,
and we can be on our way."
"Well," said the Software Engineer,
"Before we do anything, I think
we should push the car back up the
road and see if it happens
again."
- » Two Canadian hunters were driving through the
country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where
a
sign read "BEAR LEFT" so they went home.
- » Knock Knock
Who's there !
Axel
!
Axel who ?
Axel grease !
- » Patient:Do you extract teeth
painlessly?
Dentis: "Not always, the other day I nearly dislocated my
wrist
- » "Shhaaayyy, buddy, what's a
'Breathalyzer'?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next
barstool.
"Well, I'd have to say that it's a bag that tells you when
you've
drunk way too much," answered the equally wasted
gent.
"Ah hell, whaddya know? I've been married to one of those for
years!"
- » SOW: Would you like a nice cake with three
candles for your party?
PIGLET: I'd rather have three cakes and one
candle.
- » Why do bees hum ?
Because they've forgotten
the words !
- » What did the sausage say when it
couldn't log on to the Internet?
If at first you don't succeed Fry, Fry
again
- » What's red and invisible?
No
tomatoes.
- » Q: Why did the farmer call his
pig
"Ink"?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.