Treść
- » How many
Man U. fans does it take to change
a lightbulb?
One to change the lightbulb, and one to drive down
to Kent to pick
him/her up.
- » How many
men does it take to put the toilet
seat down?
Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.
- » How many
psychologists does it take
to change a light bulb? Just one, but the
light bulb really has to
want to change.
- » How many
technical writers does it take to
change a light bulb?
Just one, provided there's a programmer around
to explain how to do
it.
- » How many aardvarks can ride on an
elephant?
Six... three on the back and three in the trunk!
- » How many accountants
does it take to
change a light bulb?
"What kind of answer did you have in
mind?"
Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done
within the given budget.
- » How many ants are needed to fill an apartment
?
Ten ants !
- » How many applicants does it take to change
a
light bulb? Only one, but 200 applied for the job.
- » How many archaeologists does it take to change a
light bulb?
Three. One to change it while the other two argue
about how old the old
one is.
- » How many architects does it take to change a
light bulb?
Just one, but he has to coordinate ten other professionals
who are
doing this quiet complicated task.
- » How many auditors does it take to change a
light bulb?
How many did it take last year?
- » How many bankers does it take to change a light
bulb?
Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the
combination.the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for
that tooth?"
"Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.
- » How many bees do you need in a bee choir ?
A
humdred !
- » How many biologists does
it take to
change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it and three to write the
environmental-impact
statement.
- » How many brewers does it take to
change a
light bulb?
Third as many as for a regular bulb.
- » How many Buckeye
football players does it
take to change a lightbulb?
One. But he gets three hours credit.
- » How many C++ programmers does it take to
change a light
bulb?
"You're still thinking procedurally! A properly
designed light bulb
object would inherit a change method from a
generic light bulb
class!"
- » How many cafeteria staff does it take to
change a light bulb?
"Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've
just cashed up."
- » How many cashiers does it take
to change a
light bulb?
"Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar
bill."
- » How many chimney does Father Christmas go
down ?
Stacks !
- » How many chocolate bunnies can
you put into
an empty Easter basket?
One. After that the basket won't be
empty.
- » How many computer journalists does it take
to screw in a light
bulb?
Five. One to write a review of all the
existing light bulbs so you can
decide which one to buy, another
one to write a remarkably similar one
in another magazine the next
month, a third to have a big one come out
on glossy paper two months
later that is by then completely out of
date, a fourth to hint in
her column that a completely new and updated bulb
is coming out, and
the fifth to report a rumor that that new bulb is
shipping with a
virus.
- » How many cops does it take to
throw a man
down the stairs?
None. He fell.
- » How many cost accountants does it
take
to change a light bulb?
Hmmm........I'll just do a few numbers and
get back to you
- » How many dentists does it take to change a
light bulb?
Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to
extract the light
bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink
mouthwash.
- » How many Dependent P.D. does to take to
change a lightbulb?
None, he's still clinging to the old
lightbulb.
- » How many doctors does it take to
change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him
which end to screw
in.
- » How many ducks would there be,
if you saw two
ducks in front of two ducks, two ducks between two
ducks, and two
ducks behind two ducks?
Answer: 4 ducks-because they are in a
row.
- » How many editors does it take to change a
light
bulb?
Only one, but first he has to rewire the entire
building.
- » How many evolutionists does it take to
change a light
bulb?
Only one, but it takes eight million years.
- » How many film directors
does it take
to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two
times and when he's done,
everyone says that his last light bulb was
much better.
- » How many firemen does it take
to change
a light bulb?
Four - three to cut a hole in the roof and one to
change the bulb.
- » How many fishermen does it take to change a
light bulb?
One, but you should have seen the bulb, it must have
been THIS big.
- » How many hairs are in a dog's tail?
None. They
are all on the outside.
- » How many Histrionic
P.D. does to
take to change a lightbulb?
"You want me to change the lightbulb? I
could burn my hand! I could be
electrocuted! I could fall off the
ladder and be paralyzed for life!
You
don't love me anymore!"
- » How many honest, intelligent, caring men
in
the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
- » How many Java programmers does it take to
change a light bulb?
One, to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the
socket.
- » How many journalists does it take to change
a light bulb?
"We just report the facts, we don't change
them."
- » How many judges does it take to
change a
light bulb?
Just one; he holds it still and the whole world revolves
around him.
Just one, but two lawyers have to explain him how to do
it.
- » How many LA cops does it take to change light
bulb?
Six. One to do it and five to smash the old bulb to
splinters.
- » How many lawyers does it take
to stop a
moving bus?
Never enough.
- » How many lawyers does it take to
change a
lightbulb?
None, they'd rather keep their clients in the dark.
- » How many lawyers does it take to grease a
combine?
Only one if you run him through slowly!
- » How many letters are there in the
alphabet?
Eleven. T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
- » How many librarians does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
"I don't know, but I can look it up for you."
- » How many maintenance programmers does it take
to change a light bulb?
None. They try to fix the old
one.
"We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying
to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait
two months?"
- » How many men
does it take to open a beer?
- None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
- » How many men does it take to change a roll of
toilet
paper?
No one knows, it's never happened.
- » How many men does it take to make
popcorn?
Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the
stove.
- » How many nurses does
it take to
screw in a light bulb?
None - They just have a nursing assistant do
it.
Losowe wpisy
- » Why are cigarettes sold at gas
stations when smoking is prohibited
there?
- » At an outdoor press conference, Al Gore was
addressing harsh criticism of being "lifeless as a
statue."
"That is absurd," Gore stoically stated. "When elected, the people
of America will see just how passionate and alive I truly
am."
Embarrassed for her husband, Tipper, leaned in to whisper, "Honey, you
have a pigeon on your head."
- » How do
you spot a modern spider ?
He
doesn't have a web he had a website !
- » What do you call an ant who likes to be alone
?
An independant !
- » Q:
WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI?
A: When
they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay
down.
- » Q: How can
you tell Bill Clinton apart from
a cow?
A: By the wise look in the eyes.
- » A blind man was waiting to cross the road when a
dog stopped and cocked its leg against him. The blind man felt in
his
pocket for a sweet, bent down, and offered it to the dog. A
passerby
remarked what a very kind act that was considering what the
dog had done.
"Not at all," said the blind man. "I only wanted to
find out which
end to kick."
- » Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
When she takes
it off, you wonder where her tits went.
- » Cry Baby - by Liza
Weeping
- » All of the firefighters at my station are
quick.
They're even "fast" asleep!
- » If they made a movie starring the Loch
Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the
movie
be called?
Loch Jaws.
- » A religious man is on top of a roof
during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get
in!" The religous man replies, " no I have faith in God, he will
grant
me a miracle."
Later the water is up to his waist and
another boat comes by and the
guy tells him to get in again. He
responds that he has faith in god and
god will give him a miracle. With
the water at about chest high, another
boat comes to rescue him,
but he turns down the offer again cause "God
will grant him a
miracle."
With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a
ladder and they
tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his
mouth, he again
turns down the request for help for the faith of God. He
arrives at the
gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter,
I thought God would
grand me a miracle and I have been let down."
St. Peter chuckles and
responds, "I don't know what you're c
omplaining about, we sent you
three boats and a helicopter."
- » There are three engineers in a car; an
electrical
engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car
just stops by the side of the road, and the three
engineers look at
each other wondering what could be wrong.
The
electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the
car
and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical
engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is
becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the
Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up
with
a suggestion, 'Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get
back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?'
- » Why did Robin Hood steal from the
rich
?
Because the poor didn't have any !
- » What asks no question but demands an
answer?
A doorbell or a ringing telephone.