Losowe wpisy
- » A man being mugged by two thugs put up a
tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon
finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said
"Why did
you put up such a fight?" To which the man promptly replied
"I was
afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
- » What do you get if you cross a wireless
with a
hairdresser ?
Radio waves !
- » A little girl climbed
into her
grandfather's lap and studied his white, balding head. She
ran her
fingers along the deep wrinkles and road mapped his face and
neck.
"Did god make you?", she asked.
"yes" he answered.
"did god makeme, to?" she wondered.
"yes", he replied.
"well, she shrugged, "don't you think he's doing a better job now
than he used to?"
- » Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a
violin?
A: It is usually still in the case.
- » A little
old lady shaking violently as she
walks in to the pharmacy asks the
salesperson "do you sell
vibrators". Surprised by the request, the sales
person says yes! The little
old lady says: "Well, how do you turn the
damn things off!"
- » Tower: What's your heigth and
position?
Pilot: Well, I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left.
- » Ben's dad was building a pine bookshelf and
Ben was watching and occasionally helping. ' What are the holes
for ?'
Ben asked.
'They're knot holes,' said his
dad.
'What are they, then, if they're not holes ?' asked Ben.
- » Three boys were heading home from school
one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal
one-upmanship. He said, "My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can throw
a
90-mph fast ball from the pitcher's mound and run and catch it
just
after it crosses the plate!"
One of the other boys
said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot an arrow
from his bow and run to
the target and hold it up to make sure the
arrow hits the bulls
eye!"
The last boy said, "Your dads don't even come close to
being faster
than mine. My dad works for the government, and even
though he works
every day until 4:00 he gets home at 3:30!"
- » Teacher:
Are you good at math ?
Pupil:
Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean ?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at
math !
- » Mother: Jared, get your little
sister's hat out of that
puddle.
Jared: I can't mum, she's got it
strapped too tight under her
chin!
- » Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he
had to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
Well he should have got
up earlier and caught the school bus like
everyone else !
- » Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM,
SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red
light.
- » What's a frogs favourite flower ?
A croakus
!
- » Where do Russian cows come from?
Moscow!
- » Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with
sudden devastation, and without warning. In one case, a house was
completely whisked away, leaving only the foundation and first floor. A
silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the
only
remaining part of the house left above the floor. The rescue
squad rushed
to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting
there in the tub,
talking to herself.
"It was the most amazing
thing ... it was the most amazing thing."
she kept repeating dazedly.
"What was the most amazing thing, Ma'am?" asked one of the
rescuers.
"I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did
was
pull the plug and dog-gone-it if the whole house didn't suddenly
drain
away."