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Biologist jokes - Ben was assigned a new wildlife technician and she was driving him crazy. She was blonde and pretty and insisted on carrying beauty products in a little field bag - nail polish, hair care products, gels, creams and so on. One day they were driving the rugged four-wheel drive down a dirt road when a big rabbit ran in front of them and was hit by the truck. Ben pulls over and walks back to the dead rabbit. He felt terrible, but there was clearly nothing he could do for the dead creature. His blonde partner pipes in and yells, "Waite, I have just the thing!" She races back to the truck and begins to rifle through her beauty products. Ben watches as brushes and combs fly from the bag. Finally she races back with an aerosol can and sprays the dead rabbit with it's contents. Immediately the rabbit springs to its feet, waves goodbye, hops a few feet, pauses and waves again. The rabbit repe ats this strange behavior...wave-hop-wave-hop, until it disappears over the hill. Ben is amazed and asks, "What in the world is in that can?" The blonde biologists says, " Duh...look at the label" You guessed it.... "Hair Spray .... Immediately revives dead hair and creates a permanent wave"
Doctor and nurse jokes - There were ten zebras in the zoo. All but nine escaped. How many were left? Nine!
Baby jokes - What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake? Stop crying and viper your nose.
Marriage jokes - John: "I'm a man of few words." Bill: "I'm married, too."
Men jokes - Men are like old car tires. Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.
College jokes - How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning? By opening the car door.
Witch jokes - Have you heard about the goodweather witch? She's forecasting sunny spells.
Insect jokes - How do you start an insect race ? One, two, flea - go
Blind jokes - One day two blind men started fighting. Pretty soon a crowd surrounded them. Then one of the members of the crowd yelled out "I bet 10 bucks on the one with the knife." Both men ran away.
Cow jokes - How do bulls drive their cars? They steer them!
Business jokes - Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog, "T-square, do your stuff!". T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff!". Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff!". Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured ex actly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. The three men turned to the Government Worker and said, "What can your dog do?". The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff!". Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation and went home on sick leave.
Hair and bald jokes - a guy was teased everywhere of his totally noticably bald head! Afta goin thru yrs of this, he decided that he should say sumthin about it! so he stood up on2 the tallest statue and shouted 4 everyone 2 hear: 'I AM NOT BALD, ITS JUST THAT IM TALLER THAN MY HAIR!'
Clinton jokes - Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Because they can't afford any more pork.
Knock Knock jokes - Knock Knock Who's there ! Canon ! Canon who ? Canon open the door then ?
Birthday jokes - A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . .' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. 'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm lost!'